One night in Bangkok.....

It's all happening at the zoo

2012-02-20T14:32:00.002-08:00

Oh well, it's back in purgatory again. But for a few days, I escaped!!! We spent a few days in BKK last weekend, and had a pretty good time. The two highlights of the trip were our trip to the zoo, and finding a Subway sandwich shop. Personally, I had more fun at Subway than I did walking all over the place at the zoo. It isn't nearly as big as I thought it would be, but the girls had never been there though, so they had lots of fun taking photos.

The most memorable thing at the zoo had to be the elephant show. They came out and did all the tricks you would expect, but with one addition. When they came out, the trainer had them all line up facing the audience, turn around, and take a dump. Yep, that's right, take a dump on command. I wonder how long it took them to figure out how to do that. I also wonder why they would want to. This place is so weird.

Palmiez kept saying that she wanted to see the "water cats". I couldn't figure out what she meant. At first, I thought she was talking about the otters. But that wasn't it, she meant the seals. I guess that's how the word for seals translates here. Considering that I have students with names like "Turd", and "Watermelon", these things shouldn't surprise me.

New Schedule

2012-02-11T21:32:00.001-08:00

Yep, this is what you imagine when I talk about my Thai students. A bunch of sweet little peace sign waving smiling angels, right? Haaa, you wish! That is what they look like on the outside, but inside, there is a raging inferno of naughtiness just waiting to explode. Well, not in all of them, but most.

They changed my schedule at work about 2 weeks ago. It happened, because one morning I walked into my M-2/1 class, and it was a disaster area. I mean it looked like a bomb went off in there, and all 45 kids were laying around on the floor, or braiding each others hair. I asked them where their teacher was, and they said that she had left several minutes ago. That was odd, because nobody here can tell time, and they always run late with their lessons. I asked them why she left, and they said that they didn't know, but that she was crying. Didn't know? The demons had struck again, and this wasn't the first time. Their teacher is a very sweet girl, and had always seemed to be able to hold her own in a classroom. I had had more than enough.

I was just about to unload on the little shits when the head of our small English department, Miss Aww, happened to walk by. I am getting very tired of being angry all the time, so I called her in. When she saw the state of the place, her jaw dropped to her knees. I explained what had happened, and kind of went off on her because this was getting to be too often of an occurrence.

She didn't say anything for some time, she just stared at the kids. Then she started mumbling softly to herself, and started slowly walking around the room. The more she walked, the gradually louder the mumbling got, until she was shrieking at them. This went on for several minutes, but then stopped as abruptly as it had started. She finally realized that they weren't paying a damn bit of attention to her. In the 5 minutes that she had been raging, not one of the little jackasses had bothered to get up off of the floor, straighten a desk row, or stop braiding whomever lice infected mop they happen to be working on.

She looked at me and blinked a few times. I told her that this was the way they were. This seemed to be the best that they could behave. I wanted smaller classes, or an assistant teacher to patrol the room while I was giving the lessons. Anything! Something had to be done. If the school wasn't going to allow us to punish or fail them, then they could figure out a way to fix this. The students know that there is no discipline at the school, so they have no fear. I also reminded her that it is very easy for a native English speaker to get a job in Thailand, and that any school in the country would pay me considerably more than their little slice of Hooterville hell does. She just nodded and walked out.

The next day, Aww appeared in my first period class and told me that she needed to talk to me about a schedule change. This sounded better than nothing, because teaching more than 1 grade level really sucks. The skill level in any one grade is diverse enough as it is. Anyway, a few hours later, she came to my office and informed me that I would no longer have to teach the low skilled classes in 7th and 8th grade. But, I would be picking up the 4th, 5th, and 6th grade. WTF!!

I started to go ballistic, but after a quick moment of thought, didn't. The things that I was having to teach the 7th and 8th graders are things that they should have learned in the 4th - 6th grade anyway. Maybe I could get them back on track, at least a little bit anyway. She also said that they would split each class into 2 thirty minute groups. Given their attention span, that sounded pretty good. Plus, I still got to keep my higher skilled 7th and 8th grade classes. The only downside is that I now have to teach 5 grade levels, 2 more hours per week, for the same crappy pay.

The first week went pretty well. Thirty minutes is about all that the youngins can take, and still remember at least some of it for their next class with me. The smaller classes make them much easier to manage too. I keep the lesson very simple, and just focus on understanding and lots of repetition. This usually results in a shouting match between the girls and the boys, but who cares if it works, and they can remember what to say and when to say it.

They also let me teach them in the theater room next to the computer room. AIR CONDITIONING!!!!! It takes a lot more energy to keep them motivated during a class, so I am pretty exhausted afterwards, but they seem to enjoy it. A bunch of them actually show up early. I even get hugs from some of the bolder ones after class sometimes. I think that's a good sign.

Nazi Visa Bee-yatch + Fajitas = T.I.T.

2012-01-23T05:02:00.000-08:00

T.I.T. = This is Thailand. It was visa time again here in la la land. The thing about this is, that with the right paperwork, getting you work permit and visa should only take about 5 minutes. But guess what!? It doesn't! It never does! Either they have changed the rules and not bothered to tell anyone, or someone has screwed up the paperwork because they can't do their f'ing job. I miss the days when Roong did the paperwork. If there was a problem, she could fix it on the spot. But now, since I had to switch back to a Non-B visa, it's a damn merry-go-round to get anything done.

They opened an immigration office in Lopburi now. I don't have to drive all the way to Bangkok to get all this stuff done. That's a good thing. Getting my 90 day stamp is easy. I am in and out in 3 minutes. But, the nasty bitch that takes care of yearly visas is a pain in the ass. I assume that this is the first time in her life that she has had any amount of power. The 10 minute bullshit lectures on absolutely nothing, and the endless studying of the same papers over and over again gets old real quick. Since I wasn't teaching that day, I was dressed pretty casual. She said that I didn't look like a teacher, and that she thought that the contract from my school was fake, and that my wife had made it up. She also said that because I was going to have to make 2 trips to her office to finish everything, that I would have to pay the 1900 baht fee 2 times. Plus, she never gave me back the 100 baht change from when I paid for it the first time. WTF!!!

Roong spends most of her time trying to keep me from loosing my temper and getting in to trouble. But this, this was too much even for her. She pulled some serious rank. She stormed over to Sgt. Bitchy's supervisor and ripped the little Captain a new one. After she settled down, the little Captain pulled Sgt. Bitchy aside and had a few quick but very intense words. We were out of there about 2 minutes later.

I had to go back there today to give them a new copy of my work permit. I was so ready for a scrap. Roong wasn't there to shut me up, so it was looking like trouble. Once I got there, she didn't say anything to me, she just motioned for me to sit down, and stamped the new paperwork. I should have just left, but having worn my school uniform there, I couldn't resist asking her "Do I look like a god damn teacher now?". She just glared at me. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I will save the story of the nob newbie at the work permit office for another time. XD

I had real food for dinner!!!!!! After the victory at the Immigration office, I went and had lunch, and then wondered around Big-C for a while. Buried in the imported food section, I found a package of tortillas. Cool! All I needed was some salsa and sour cream, and I was in business.

Fajita madness!

Today was a very lucky day, because I did find 2 little containers of sour cream at Big-C, and some no name salsa that didn't look to bad. Once I picked Roong up from work we raided the market and got Chicken, peppers, chilies, mushrooms, and anything else I could think of to put in them. We went with chicken, because Thais aren't big beef eaters. I suppose that I should have looked at a recipe at some point for this, but having spent a fortune at Taco Ball, I was feeling confident.

Roong cooked the chicky in the oven, and I stir fried up the peppers, onions, etc. They turned out great. Probably just dumb luck, but they were awesome. I guess I would really have to attribute this success to the fact that if you dump enough sour cream on anything, eventually it will taste good. The only bad thing about it was the fact that I made enough to feed an army. Roong ate one, and I could only eat two. Hmmm...I wonder what I will have for lunch tomorrow?

Student Day 2012

2012-01-13T05:51:00.001-08:00

Another Student Day has come and gone. They really went all out this year too. There must have been two dozen dancing and singing performances by all the classes combined.We had a good turn out of parents this time also. Here are a few shots from the action. It was very overcast today, so most of my long distance group shots were kind of fussy....

This is Fet and Taptim (Timmy). Great kids, and two of the sharpest students in their classes.

A few more of my youngins at Student Day. I believe that's Pop in the center. The little boy on the end (Yes, that's a boy) is Dommy. I have 2 or 3 "ladyboys in training" in every class, but this little fruit loop takes flaming to a whole new level. He's a good kid, but he has a different drama tragedy going on every day, and at least once a week I have to tell him to stop sticking things down his shirt to make fake boobs.

This is Took ta and Ae. Two of the so few good students in my M-2/3 class. These are the kind that meet you at your office to carry your books to class. Can't imagine life there without them.

This is the festival queen and her handmaidens.

Well well well, speaking of queens... That is miss Tuktan in the brown shirt, and her pack of ladyboys, that volunteered to do all the make-up for the performers. Imagine that! Of all the 100 girls that teach at Penpattana, Tuktan has got to be the most fun. She is one of the few that regularly likes to go out and party, and is always juggling at least 3 boyfriends.

I'm not sure who these 3 little girls are. I know that I know them, but it's hard to tell who they are under all that make-up. They look like they have been severely beaten with a box crayons.

The girl with her chin on her hands is Miew. I have had her in all my classes since I started teaching at Penpattana. Wonderful student and full time "go to" girl.

I wish I had gotten better shots of this dance. It was a calypso type of number, and there were dozens of these little island girls running all over the place. It was like a Lilo and Stitch invasion!

This is just one small group of the Lilo and Stitch crowd.

The one on your right is Fern. I've known Fern for several years too. She does fairly well in class, but was most definitely born to be trouble! She has a mischievous streak a mile wide.

The boys. Mahn Mah, Rut, Tik, and Ball. All great students, and cool little dudes. Ball is one of the super jocks of M-2.

Two of my all time numero uno favorites, Beggy and Nuna. Both are little angels in my M-2/4 class. They have helped me a lot over the years. I don't know what I would have done without them.

The little bit of a girl in the center is Yo. Yo is another of the kids that I have known for all 5 years at school. She is possibly the most intelligent child I have ever had the privilege to teach.

It's Beam time! Beam (on the right) is more fun, and more trouble, than any teacher should ever have to deal with. That girl is always getting up to something. I also have her little sister Biw in one of my other classes. Exactly the same! Next year is going to be a hoot.

On the River

2012-01-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

As you know, last weekend was our Bangkok adventure. Friday night, it was every man, woman, or child for themselves. The girls went out and did whatever it is that they do, and I hit my favorite watering hole. Saturday was Palmiez' graduation ceremony day, and that night we wanted to take her somewhere special for dinner. There's a lot to do in BKK, but we weren't sure what would be just right for this special day. I think it was Roong who suggested the dinner cruise. It sounded like a great idea, because none of us had ever been on one here before. So, off we went.....

First, there was a lot of this. Bangkok is the only place I know that can actually have a full scale traffic jam working at 9pm on a Sunday night. It's amazing.

Once we finally got there, we waited for about 45 mins until our boat docked and we could board. We ended up sitting out on deck in the bow. That was fine for me. There was a nice cool breeze, and Roong had lots of things to try and take pictures of. (key word = try) The food and bev selection was very nice and our waiter was great. My only complaint would be that as usual, the food was served cold. It was a buffet style dinner, and the food was in warmer trays, but for some reason they never seem to remember to put the candles under them to keep the food hot. I mean anywhere.

This is a really cool suspension bridge that was about half way down the length of our 2 hour cruise. Roong tried to get several shots of it, but this is the only one that turned out fairly well.

There were dozens of these little turtle boats running back and forth across the river. All they do all day and night is ferry people back and forth across the river. They also seem to try and cut as close in front of the bigger boats as they can, much to the delight of the passengers.

Here's another shot of that bridge from a little farther out. It looks like a giant candle from one side, and a flying V guitar from the other.

Here are Puk and her boyfriend Mack. This was the first time he and the rest of us had actually spent any time together. Partly because he lives in Bangkok, and partly because his mom is a kook.

More Mack and Pukkiness.

These 2 shots are of the King's Wat (temple). We have visited it before, but I didn't realize how close it was to the river.

Mack, Puk, and Palmiez

A few shots of Roong and I. Roong seemed to have a great time. At least that is what I gathered from all the camera snapping that was going on.

One last shot of the King's Wat as we were headed back to the dock. All in all, it was a very nice time, and I think we might do it again for some other special occasion.

A Great Escape and A 1000 baht Burrito

2012-01-09T04:07:00.000-08:00

Haaaa! I got away from zombieland.....err..... Pattananikom for 3 whole f#$@ing days! Roong and I went to Bangkok for Palmiez' graduation last weekend. The ceremony was on Saturday, so we had Friday night and all of Sunday to wander about. Friday night the girls went out for dinner, and a little shopping. I on the other hand made a beeline to the Dubliner, of course.

The last 2 times I have gotten to go there, they weren't serving beer, because it was some Buddhist holiday or something. As I only get to go there once or twice a year, I was pretty pissed about the whole thing. No such troubles this time though.

The music was good, the beer was cold, and the waitresses were as pretty as ever. I don't remember the name of the band, but the singer's name was Mia. I talked to a friend of hers named Fred for most of the night. I also ran into Steve there. He was apparently heading off to meet friends at the Q-bar, but stopped at the Dubliner for a few first. I haven't seen him in months, so it was great to catch up.

Just before I left, I tried to order some food, but the kitchen had already closed. Luckily, there is a killer Mexican food place just a few blocks away that is open 24-7. I went in, and ordered a monster beef burrito with a side bucket of sour cream to go. When it was ready, they brought me the check and I tossed him a 1000 baht note, got the change, tipped him 100, and took off.

(judging by the photo, I think I had a few there too while waiting)

It wasn't until I was in the cab headed back to the hotel that I noticed that I only had about 40 baht in my hand. WTF?! I figured I must have given him 500 by mistake. As I was still pretty buzzed, it didn't bother me too bad though.

By the time I got back to the room, I was sobering up, and getting a bit irritated. I then looked in the bag, only to find not 1, but 2 monster beefy burritos, and more sour cream than anyone would want to deal with. No wonder it was so expensive, they're like 300 baht a piece. Anyway, I was in heaven. I think I ate about1/2 of one, and then was out like a light. I know I woke up at least 3 times during the night, and scarfed down another 1/2 of one of those bad boys each time.

I have to go to the doctor next week for my annual check-up. She's gonna be pissed!

Palmiez' Graduation Day

2012-01-09T03:50:00.000-08:00

Roong, Palmiez, and Pukky

Palmiez - Serious

Palmiez - Not Serious

Me, Palmiez, and Puk

A graduated Palmiez

This past weekend, Roong and I went to Bangkok for 3 days for our oldest daughter Palmiez' graduation day. Pom Pom actually finished university about a year ago, but since they usually have a member of the royal family handing out the diplomas, it can take a while to get done.

The ceremony was held at a convention center on the west side of Bangkok. The place was pretty nice, and we had no trouble getting a taxi to go there, or come back. It was only about 20 minutes from our favorite hotel.

The thing that struck me about all this was that while there were some 3000 students there, there were also more than 2000 photographers. Each student hires their own personal photographer to follow them around for 4 hours or so taking photos. Some had 2. They had the kids posing all over the place. It got to be kind of funny, because it's not like they were on a set, or somewhere that actually had any scenery. Just a lot of concrete.

Anyway, our baby girl looked absolutely fabulous, and was having a blast posing for the cameras. We are so very very proud of her! Only 3 more years, and it will be Puk's turn.

Big Daddy and Little Pig vs The Croc

2012-01-01T16:49:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, we won! The girls are home for a 4 day New Year holiday this week. We didn't go out on New Years itself, because it is amateur hour around here that night. We did, however, go out last night for a bit of fun. Out of the blue, Roong said that she wanted to go to "Good View" in Lopburi. That in itself was a reason to celebrate. I like going there a hell of a lot more than going to Bannok all the time. "Good View" has real musicians that play relaxed folk music for a few hours, and then they change bands for a little more upbeat music. Anything is better than that awful karaoke at "Bannok". Besides, the food, and the atmosphere, are better, and the waitresses are soooooooo much prettier. The staff has changed since the last time I was there, but the lovely Miss Sai was still standing by the entrance waiting to greet the customers. It was great to see her again, and it was big hugs all around as usual.

The girls ordered pretty normal fare to eat at first. Som tom and big fish I think it was. After that, Pukky was still hungry so she took a more serious look at their new menu. They have always had a really nice seafood selection, but they have since added a few new things. The new ones that jumped out at her were the jellyfish and the crocodile dishes. Ok, the jellyfish didn't really sound to appealing to anyone, but Puk and I were determined to try the crocodile. I think it was a revenge thing, because ever since the floods came there have been a lot of crocs on the loose and making mischief in Bangkok. Though secretly, I had hoped that they might put a dent in the stray dog problem here.

Palmiez asked the waiter what crocodile tasted like, and he told her that it tastes like chicken. Umm...dude, chicken tastes like chicken pork tastes like pork, beef tastes like beef, and god only knows what jellyfish tastes like. Pukapow and I severely doubted that big lizard was going to taste like chicken.

When it finally arrived, the first thing the guy did was to set an empty red hot cast iron plate on the table. The serving portion seemed a bit small to me, but I didn't say anything. Then, one of the girls (whose name I can't remember, but whose ass will live forever in my dreams) dumped the dish itself on to the plate. It literally exploded in a frenzy of oil popping madness. We had to sit back for a few moments until it had settled down a bit.

Pukky was the first to attack it. Like she usually does with something new, she stabbed a piece and gave it a serious sniff. She made her "I'm not sure yet, so I better eat it" face, and then had at it. She liked it! That was good enough for me, so I dug in too.

Guess what!? It tastes like f*cking chicken! It reminds me of shark, because it has a very heavy, rich texture to it, but it really did taste like chicken. I was relieved, but also a bit disappointed, because I was expecting something at least a little more exotic for 200 baht a plate. After 10 minutes of coaxing, we finally got Palmiez and Roong to give it a try. Neither seemed very impressed, but they both said it wasn't bad. Whatever, Pukky and I had fun with it.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable evening, and a nice way to ring in the New Year. Palmiez will finally have her graduation ceremony on Jan. 7, so I am looking forward to trip to Bangkok next weekend. I haven't had a cheeseburger in 6 months. I hope to hell they don't taste like chicken!

Micro Wars

2011-11-18T15:57:00.001-08:00

This thing actually works! Microwave ovens have been around for quite a while now. Even so, I will be the first to admit that cooking with one is still a bit of a mystery to me. I can reheat leftovers with the best of them, but that's about it. This can be a bummer, especially in the morning. It's usually just toast, juice, and coffee. I don't really even like coffee, but it's quick and easy to make. I long for the days when I was truck driving, and could just swing into a Flying-J truck stop, and scarf down a massive plate of hash browns, sausage, and biscuits and gravy at the $6.99 buffet. My cholesterol was hovering in the mid 300's then I believe. Anyway...

Yesterday, Roong an I had to go to the doctor, get my 90 day visa stamp, and run a few other errands. While we were at Big-C (Wal-Mart's retarded Asian cousin), we stumbled across this little doodad. I like having an egg sandwich for breakfast, but it takes more time to cook it than it does to eat it. As Roong is definitely NOT a morning person, time is a major factor. So, we gave it a shot. It works great. It makes a perfect poached or hard yolked egg in 1 min and 30 sec. That's almost the exact same amount of time that it takes to make the toast for it. Now I can have a little variety in the morning. And, as Martha would say, "That's a good thing!"

Bangkok Flood Photos

2011-10-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

What can you say? Lots of water, and crocodiles. We haven't had any rain in a few days now, so hopefully, the water will start to recede now.

Bangkok Floods

2011-10-20T02:45:00.000-07:00

People have been asking me just how badly Bangkok is flooding, well....

Thailand

2011-10-16T08:22:00.001-07:00

I know you guys think I make a lot of this shit up, but I don't. What other country in the world, can you have a 10 ft croc taking a peek inside your front door to see if there are any goodies laying around.

New York Comic Con

2011-10-14T00:35:00.001-07:00

The New York Comic Convention has begun! There are more comic books and comic book fans there than I could probably even imagine. I would like to go there, just to meet some of the artists to ask them questions about the "how to's" of what they do. I know it would help me improve my t-shirt designs.

This year is really special because RedBubble has a booth there. They took some of our designs to show off to promote business. You can't see all of them from these few photos, but judging from the chatter, they chose some really great designs from some of the most talented artists on the bubble.

And last, but not least is the money shot. Look at the "RedBubble.com" banner there. You see the row of designs along the bottom of it? Look closer at the first design in line. Yup! It's the rabbit. Rabbit Hand Shadow made it all the way to NYC. Not bad coverage considering he's less than a year old, and made it there all the way from Buffalo Biscuit, Thailand. My 15 minutes of fame at last! Hoot, whistle, and applaud at will!

Special thanks and a hearty handshake to OneTonShadow for getting the rabbit on the NYC Comic Con deal!

Plan 9 From Thailand

2011-10-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

On October 11, a fleet of some 1,000 boats will help push water from the Chao Phraya River into the sea fast, Science and Technology Minister Plodprasop Suraswadi said Saturday.

At the boat project launch held at Nonthaburi's Pakkred Pier with 40 boats attending, Plodprasop said that this voluntarybase project would help drain water three times faster, from two knots to six knots, and prevent floodwater from pouring into Bangkok City. He said the 1,000boat fleet would push water down to the sea on October 11, as to help lower flood in the Chao Phraya Riverside provinces such as Sing Buri, Angthong and Ayutthaya.

* Apparently the river goddess wasn't listening, so here's Plan B. This just keeps getting better!

Thai Flood Strategy

2011-10-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

Translation:
"Most Urgent: Memo

Office : Bangkok (Office of Permanent Secretary of Bangkok Metropolitan Authority Tel. 0 2224 xxxx or Tel. xxxx Fax. xxxx)
No.: Kor Thor 0403/1093 Date: 7th of October 2011

Subject: Invitation to the Brahman water-lowering ceremony

To Directors and Departmental Heads of the Bangkok Metropolitan Administration

The Bangkok Metropolitan Administration has arranged a Brahman water-lowering ceremony on Saturday the 8th of October 2011 at 14.39 at the Bangkok City Pillar Shrine to beg to Kang Ka, the River Goddess, to lower the flood in Bangkok rapidly.

Therefore, we invite you to attend this ceremony with the agenda as follows:
14.39 hrs. Worship Ceremony (Barhma Ceremony)
15.09 hrs Chanting Ceremony

Meet at 14.00 hrs at the Bangkok City Pillar Shrine Dress Thai dress or polite dress

For your information"

This is their best idea?

English Camp 2011

2011-10-04T16:10:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh.... Time for another Penpattana School English Camp! *GROAN!* I'm just kidding, it really isn't that bad. We just divide the kids into groups of grades 1-3 for Saturday, and 4-6 for Sunday. My team and I came up with a few games for them to play, and the rest just turns out as it will. The hardest part for me is the few minutes I have to talk to the entire group the first thing in the morning. Everyone is watching as I try to fire up 500 little monsters that can't understand a word I'm saying. I have no idea if the students really do learn any English from any of this, but they appear to have fun.

Luckily, there are always a few kids in the front row that will try anything, so I can interact with them to get a few laughs.

This game was like an alphabet tic-tac-toe game. They had to throw paper airplanes into little boxes to get letters to make words. I am trying to explain to 40 6 yr olds how to make a paper airplane.
This was the best part of the games. The losers had to do the chicken dance! They all line up, and the winning team sings one of the many silly little nonsense songs they have, while the losing team does this weird little dance to it. The words to the song are something like......

"Chicken 5 baht
Chicken 5 baht
Put it on a stick
Put it on a stick
Cook it now
Cook it now
Very very hot!
Very hot!
Very hot!"

And last but not least, my fearless team. They always give me 3 - 4 teachers to help with the games. Usually, at least one of them speaks a little English, so it goes pretty well. They do a great job of keeping the kids in line and focused. There were 9 different games, so we only had each group for about 30 minutes.

R.I.P. Thuy

2011-10-04T03:22:00.000-07:00

One of my M-2 students was shot the other day. Thuy was a pretty average student. But, he never caused much trouble, he did his lessons, and paid attention most of the time. He seemed to be a pretty happy kid. I can't ask for much more that that here. His classmates and I will miss him.

I asked around about what had happen, but only found the normal clueless smiley face blank stares and gibberish riddled answers. Some of his classmates said that apparently, someone was angry with his mother, so a few of the local dirt bags rolled up and shot her. He was shot because he was there too. I can't imagine what she could have done to deserve that in the little one horse town of Koksaleung. And I certainly can't understand why a teenage boy had to die because of it too.

But, that is the way things are here. They can't handle any type of confrontation, or the mental stress of actually working out a solution to a problem. Just pay someone off, or pay someone to stab it in the back. If you can't cheat and win, corrupt it beyond recognition.

I know what your next question is, and the answer is "no". Of course the police haven't arrested anyone, nor do they have any suspects. That's not the way it's done here. I am sure everyone involved in this has already been paid for their effort, or their lack of effort. This will just fade away, like they always do. I'll be glad when election time is over.

Pom Kow Jai!

2011-09-24T03:26:00.000-07:00

Now, I understand! All this time, I thought it was the educational system that needed work. It's not, the kids are just drunk. Mystery solved Scooby Doo!

My 15 Seconds of Fame

2011-09-06T06:38:00.001-07:00

Haaaa! Life is good. A guy named Justin liked the Rabbit Hand Shadow design. That's always good, of course. But, this is better, because he wants to sell them in his shop in the U.K. They have an online Facebook page called Buxton and Buxton.

Now, you may be thinking, "Ok, so what? A guy bought a few cards.". Well, yeah, a guy bought a few cards, but these will end up in a real brick and mortar place. This means that not only was Justin really really drunk last night, but now, the bun is out of the shadowy gray internet realm, and into the real world. The bun unleashed could cure cancer, stop world hunger, end war, and definitely make your old lady look much more attractive when she does that "I'm wearing your shirt as a nightie" thing. The possibilities boggle the mind.

2011-09-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across these two videos that do a great job at showing what it can be like to live over here. This one is pretty much what it's like trying to talk to people here. And the other one, is a great example of how hard it can be to get the kids to actually speak English.

Top 10 Ways to Die in Thailand

2011-08-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

1. Vehicle Accident

They say Asians can’t drive. I used to think that only related to Asians in my own country. That was until I started driving in Thailand. Not obeying road rules like indicating, stopping at red lights, slowing for pedestrians and speeding. How about driving a bus full of passengers in the rain and overtaking on a curve going through the mountains. This is what happens every day. Last year alone there were well over 35,000 thousand road fatalities in Thailand that’s out of a population of 60 million. To put it in comparison there are 20 million people in Australia where there were 1,200 road fatalities. That’s about 10 times more likely to have a fatal accident in Thailand than it is in Australia. Keep your eyes on the road.

2. Murdered By A Thai

There are so many different ways foreigners have died at the hands of another Thai that I couldn’t possibly list them all here. However some of the favorite ways it seems Thais’ kill other foreigners are by stabbings. If you get cut by a Thai person it won’t be once, it’ll be many times, they’ll keep cutting you until there is nothing left to cut.

3. Murdered By Foreigner

Lately there has been a swing in trend of Thai murders Farang, it’s now Farang Kills Farang. Swedes will kill Swedes, brits will beat up other brits, and Russians will kneecap other Russians. It’s the way of the future here in Thailand.

4. Suicide

There is something magical about Thailand isn’t there. Like a long lost paradise. Must be why so many people come here to off themselves. Cats run out of money, guys get screwed over, lose a girlfriend, or the problems they ran away from just don’t seem to go away. Whatever it is it typically ends them jumping of a bridge or from a really tall building.

5. Killed by your Thai Girlfriend

If your the kind of guy that fools around on his girlfriend this is a likely way to meet your maker. There are two types of Thai Girls and two different ways to handle her with other women. First girl accepts it and your open with her, second girl repeatedly says she’ll lop your head off. If your with the later girl, then you’ve got a 20% chance to still be breathing if you slap down that bar fine.

6. Being a successful Businessman in Thailand

If you make a successful business in Thailand and make loads of cash then hats of to you. Just watch your back mate! Just like Thai girls have a jealous streak so does the rest of the population. Tall poppy syndrome is rife in Thailand and Thai people hate to see other people do well, they want a piece of it too. So while your on your yearly trip to Vegas with the guys your Thai wife or business holders will write you out of your business and if you return and cause a fuss, they will strangle you, dump you in the river and make it look like a drowning.

7. Heart attack from sex with a young girl

Older gentlemen who frequent Pattaya often and load up on the little magic blue pills will certainly worry about parting earth this way. The excitement for a 60 year old to have a 20 year old young beautiful Thai girl writhing over his gets to be way too much for some people that they will die right there and then. The girl often flees from the scene and if police can’t figure out he had a heart attack it too will go down as unexplained.

8. Food Poisoning

Think twice before you eat that sushi sitting on a side cart in front of 7 eleven, it could be the last thing you eat. Hundreds and hundreds of foreigners die in Thailand every year from sever food poisoning. The authorities can’t find out where you ate once your already gone. Even if it’s not from food off the street could even be a popular restaurant. You might want to hire someone to go around eating food for you in advance to help prevent this one.

9. HIV / AIDS

Thailand has a huge percentage of people with Aids and the prevalence of HIV infection while is down off it’s highs in the 80′s is resurfacing. This is probably due to the younger generation who arn’t subjected to the blitz advertising that the government did back in the 80′s. The younger generation are seemingly unconcerned about STD’s and the harm that Aids can do and continue to practice unsafe sex. The rate of teenage pregnancies is rising and since no one is using protection like they used it’s more likely than ever to catch the HIV virus and die of AIDS.

10. For reasons unknown and unexplained

Many deaths in Thailand go unexplained some conspirators say it’s a cover up by the Thai police, the authorities might bring in experts and like most farang bodies get sent overseas for more tests all of them inconclusive. While we might never know how they really died, we do know that we don’t know how they really died.

*This was re-posted from Chris's blog "Living in Thailand".

I think he left out a few though. There's always a chance that those idiot red shirts could burn the bus you're on, or the building you're in. Or, who knows, you might accidentally come up with an opinion all your own and get busted on that ridiculous "Lese Majeste" law.

See? This shit really does happen here!

2011-08-18T01:29:00.001-07:00

Man who ate partner’s dog after it was killed in a monkey attack was shot dead by the owner with a crossbow

A 25-YEAR-OLD man who ate his hunting partner’s dog after it was killed in a monkey attack was shot dead by the canine’s owner with a crossbow last Tuesday. Police said the suspect and the victim were friends who were hunting together in Kratie’s Snuol district. It is understood the suspect shot his friend because he would not help save his dog from being killed in a monkey attack. The victim then took the dead dog home to eat. When the suspect saw this, he fired his crossbow at his friend killing him instantly. Police say the suspect confessed to the crime following his arrest.

RedBubble Front Page!

2011-08-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, everyone that had their artwork featured on the RedBubble home page today, raise your hand. Oh, I'm sorry, I guess it was just me. (bottom right - "Dirt Nap")

T-shirts Help Make the World a Better Place!

2011-08-10T05:15:00.000-07:00

Neo-Nazis tricked by T-shirts

By REUTERS
BERLIN - Festival goers at a nationalist, right-wing concert in Germany were taken by surprise when souvenir T-shirts they were given had a secret anti-far right message that emerged only after being washed.

The slogan on the shirts first read “hardcore rebels” along with a skull and nationalist flags. But once washed the slogan turned into a message from a group offering help to right-wing extremists break away from the Neo-Nazi scene.

“If your t-shirt can do it, you can do it too — we’ll help you get away from right-wing extremism,” reads the slogan on the shirts after their first washing.

The anti-far right shirts were handed to 250 people at a “Rock for Germany” concert in Gera by organizers after they had been donated anonymously. They were provided by EXIT, a group which helps people disassociate themselves from the far-right.

Festival organizer Gordon Richter of the far-right NPD party said the stunt was a waste of money.

“It’s kind of pathetic that anyone spent money for something like that,” Richter told Reuters. He said many who got the Trojan horse shirts thought it was a creative idea.

Bernd Wagner, founder of EXIT, said the t-shirts were designed to reach their main target group: right-wing extremists contemplating getting away.

“We wanted to raise awareness about our program, especially among the young and less committed,” Wagner said.

(Reporting by Kalina Oroschakoff, editing by Paul Casciato)

* No H8 tee design available in black or white lettering.

The New Thai Prime Minister

2011-07-03T06:29:00.001-07:00

It looks like Thailand has it's new Prime Minister. Meet Ms. Yingluck Shinawatra. What's that? You say that her last name sounds mighty familiar? Well, it should, she's the little sister of none other than Thailand's former convicted criminal Prime Minister, your friend and mine, Thaksin Sinawatra.

I am watching a bunch of Brits talking about the election on channel 99 now. It seems that the hardest part of discussing the election for them, is to keep from laughing at the absurdity of it all.

At her pre-confirmation speech, Yingluck made it quite clear that she dearly hoped that she hadn't been elected due to her last name. I give it about 6 months before her crooked brother is granted amnesty and is back running the government in Thailand, instead of running it from where ever he is hiding out at the moment.

Pukky's got talent!

2011-07-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

The last time I heard anyone play a ukulele, it was either Tiny Tim or Don Ho. I can't remember, because it was like 40 years ago. Well, they appear to be making a comeback. I started noticing our daughter Puk posting pictures of ukuleles and cases and such on Facebook. I thought it was just a cute fad thing she was going through. But, it turns out that she can actually play the mini guitar.

Pukky has always had a nice singing voice, and can play a little guitar. But, she seems to be pretty serious with this. This photo was taken at a talent contest at her university. She won her division. Yayyyy!

More Election Idiocy 2011

2011-07-01T01:20:00.000-07:00

This Sunday, Thailand goes to the polls. Given the tumultuous events of the last few years, it has been one of the most heated election campaigns in recent history.

As with every election campaign, all 40 political parties are prowling around the country to woo voters every possible way they can.

But since this is Thailand, the run-up has its own rules and, much to our enjoyment, many laughable moments.

Here are the top 10 noteworthy campaign oddities of the 2011 Thailand general election.

10. Yingluck and her ‘customers’

Taking a final campaign visit to the northeast this week, Yingluk Shinawatra makes an appearance in Buriram.

It was an open secret that former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra would send his youngest sister Yingluck into the race to lead the Pheu Thai Party.

And much to the disgust of opponents, the former business executive did indeed throw her hat into the ring.

During a presentation on May 16, she made a very good impression. Even the questions in English were answered confidently and flawlessly. With the exception of one little slip-up (see video), when she referred to the electorate as her “customers.”

One could argue that she is still warming up to politics, having just come from the business sector. And hey, everybody gets their target audience mixed up from time to time.

9. Sophon and the Panda

Lin Ping already has her own reality show so making the transition into politics was a breeze for the celebrity panda.

Despite the nation's political divisions, there's one thing that warms the heart of nearly all Thais (with the notable exception of this author): Lin Ping, the panda born in Chiang Mai Zoo.

Over-exposed already thanks to her own 24-hour TV channel, Lin Ping made an appearance on this poster of MP candidate Sophon Damnui of the Chart Pattana Puea Pandin Party (Development of the Nation’s Land Party).

Coincidentally, Sophon is the director of the Zoological Park Organization, which overlooks all zoos in the country.

Best of all, he's promised to get Lin Ping to visit Bangkok if elected. With such a promise, what can go wrong?

8. Abhisit versus the football

Prime minister Abhisit Vejjajiva is known for being an avid Newcastle United fan. After all, just like the prime minister himself, the English Premier League club had some turbulent moments in recent years.

While out campaigning, the Oxford-educated premier didn’t pass up the opportunity to put on a pair of football boots and play a game with some young potential voters.

But things literally turned upside down when he made a cross-move and passed the ball only to fall down. Luckily, the PM was up and running again just moments after the incident.

Some say this was the literal stumbling block of his election campaign.

7. Paradorn and the forgotten vote

In April, retired tennis star Paradorn Srichaphan announced plans to run for parliament, saying he wanted to boost sport in the country.

Staying with sports, having former athletes run for your ballot is another oft-used trick to lure voters.

The Chart Pattana Puea Pandin Party (yes, them again) hired a whole all-star team of former champions, among them retired tennis player Paradorn Srichaphan.

The problem though was that Paradorn wasn’t even allowed on the ballot. Why? Because he "forgot" to vote in the last general election in 2007.

Since voting is compulsory in Thailand, he not only lost his right to cast a ballot this time around, but also was barred from running for MP. Talk about an unforced error.

6. Bhumjaithai and the wife beaters

A couple of the Bhumjaithai (Thai Pride) Party's election posters certainly got people talking.

The two different shots depict a tennis player and a football player with a slogan that translates into: “If you want to take care of your wife (or your family), you have to strike!”

Strike what? Or who? Are they promoting domestic abuse?

Not really.

Despite the odd choice of words, the party is actually promoting their sport-centered policies, like more financial support for sport associations and building sport centers nationwide. This all falls under their theme, “Fight to become rich!”

5. Chuwit Kamolvisit's entire campaign

Chuwit waves as he tours Bangkok red-light district Patpong as part of his electoral campaign.

If there’s one underdog of the election who still somehow manages to hog the headlines, it’s got to be Chuwit Kamolvisit.

The former massage parlor tycoon (some international media have even referred to him as a "super pimp") and now self-proclaimed “Mr. Clean” is, following runs in 2004 and 2006, taking another shot at political power.

This time he's running under the new Rak Prathet Thai (Love Thailand) Party. His aim: to join the opposition and crack down on corruption.

His in-your-face election posters (e.g. “Politicians are like diapers, the more often they’re changed, the better”) are certainly a breath of fresh air.

And given how much he enjoys taking "baths," Chuwit is probably one of the cleanest men in the whole kingdom.

4. Pheu Thai and the too-small-logo

Pheu Thai countered the ballot blunder by printing signs to remind its supporters how to vote.

When Thais overseas received their ballot papers in advance, some reportedly had difficultly making their cross in the right place.

At least those who wanted to vote for the opposition Pheu Thai Party (For Thais).

That's because they had to really squint to actually find the Pheu Thai logo, whereas the other parties’ logos were perfectly visible.

Whether this was deliberate or a screw-up cannot be determined. Nevertheless the Pheu Thai Party hastily made new posters to make sure their supporters would not mess up their vote.

3. Don't vote for animals

One of the PAD's 'Vote No' posters, reminding the Thai electorate that politics has no shortage of monkey business.

The ultra-nationalist "People’s Alliance for Democracy" are ironically against the elections –- well, this one at least -- claiming that the whole political system is corrupt to the core.

In order to win over supporters for their "campaign," they have plastered posters everywhere urging the people to "not let these animals into the parliament.” The posters depict politicians as wild dogs, monkeys, buffaloes, tigers and so on.

There’s one small logical oversight: these animals have more backbone than most politicians. Even the monitor lizard.

2. Sanan and his pink shoes

It takes a confident man to pull off pink sneakers.

According to the Chart Thai Pattana (Thai Nation Development) Party, reconciliation only comes in pink, the color of the party.

Hence its leader, Sanan Kajornprasart, went for a fully pink outfit, right down to his snazzy pink sneakers. (Click here to see a video of him rocking his outfit.)

The story behind this odd wardrobe choice is that the party actually bought pink shoes for everybody to wear on the campaign trail, but only its leader wore them more than once.

Throw in a cool hat and some shades (again, see video) and you have the best-dressed dude of the entire Thai election campaign.

1. “Rock the Vote” -- Thai Style

Ending on a high note, the election commission has produced not one, but two music videos with numerous famous singers to convince people to go to the polls coming this Sunday.

While the pop version is aimed at the young urban crowd, urging them put their electronic devices down long enough to cast a ballot, the top spot goes to this folksier version with complete instructions on how to vote.

CNN International - By Saksith Saiyasombut

Election Time 2011

2011-06-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, it must be election time again in the land of smiles. How do I know? Well, the first clue is the infestation of all those cockroach like pick-up trucks with loud speakers tied on their tops scurrying about blaring bad music an bullshit about this or that candidate.
*Note to pick-up truck drivers: Don't park in front of a school to take a nap you jackass. I don't want my kids hearing that crap!

The second sign would be the onslaught of visitors not so subtly offering you 500 baht if you'll vote for their candidate.
*Note to vote buyers: If your douche bag candidate would put all that money he is throwing around into something important, like your outdated education system, people might just vote for him.

And last but not least, the third sure sign that it's election time in Thailand, the assassinations. A few days ago someone blew away the executive of the Lopburi district. No one will miss him because he was apparently even more corrupt than usual. He even pissed off the bad guys. I think that the fact that he had to go everywhere with a police escort should have been a wake-up call to him that a few changes might have been in order. The first year I was here, I had to attend four funerals, and that was just for politicians in our area.
*Note to assassins: If you are going to take these thieving bastards out, start at the top. You might actually have some effect that way.

Don't look up!

2011-06-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

In what can only be described as a war crime the Thai military has begun shooting protestors using snipers on rooftops in an effort to quell dissent in the capitol of Bangkok.

The country of 64 million people is one of the poorest and most desperate countries in Asia, led by a military regime already known for its brutality. Around government buildings in Bangkok the military has pinned up notices which say “Live Firing Zone.”, basically allowing the snipers to shoot anyone spotted protesting or speaking to the media.

In one incident a protestor was shot in mid conversation while speaking to a reporter.

A Canadian journalist was also shot and injured, one of three journalists wounded in the fighting so far. The soldiers claim they only fire in self defense, but this does not explain the wounded journalists and civilians who are shot by snipers without warning.

So far at least 42 people have been shot and killed and another 1400+ people have been injured since the stand off began 2 months ago. Protestors have erected barricades across streets and are demanding the resignation of the government. In the last 2 days alone 24 people have been killed and another 200+ injured.

So far the army has used snipers, tear gas, rubber bullets and live ammunition against the protesters, who throw Molotov cocktails and rocks in response. Some have armed themselves with slingshots and also set cars on fire and roll burning tires at the soldiers.

Central to the fighting in the corrupt ruling class elite who control Thailand's government and military. Protestors, often known as Red Shirts, want the return of exiled former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, who was ousted in a military coup in 2006 but is rumoured to be corrupt.

What Thailand needs is a new election and new leaders to choose from, but since this is also a struggle being the rich elite and the poor (in a country that is very poor) it is difficult to find leaders who are wealthy enough to run in an election who aren't corrupt.

In 2006 the military junta overthrew the government, dissolved Parliament, got rid of the constitution and declared martial law. Thailand's tourism industry promotes itself as the “Land of Smiles.”

*This was re-posted from The Lilith News.

Thank God that the national past-time here is pretending that things didn't happen. What a fucking looney bin!

As Good As It Gets!

2011-05-21T18:14:00.000-07:00

Here they are folks, the cream of the crop of the 2010 - 2011 school year at Penpattana. This is, or was, my M-2/5 class. They were not my highest skilled class ever, but they were pretty close. They were the most colorful bunch I have ever had, though. Take the 2 boys in front.

The one on the left's name is Bom. He was a hoot. At first, he wouldn't do a damn thing, and on the rare occasion that he did, he just had one of the other kids copy his work for him. He has always been the biggest kid in the class, so even the teachers don't argue with him. This got old quick, but he seemed determined to do nothing. I finally had had enough, and told him that if he wasn't going to do anything, then he could get the hell out of the class. He refused. I told him to leave, again. He refused, again. I picked him, and his desk up, and dumped his happy ass out the door. Bom quickly realized that he was not now the biggest, and by far not the meanest guy in class anymore. I never had a bit of trouble out of him after that, and his grades improved quite a bit.

The other guy is Ron. Ron was the class clown that couldn't stay quiet for more than a minute or so. This actually came in quite handy, because Ron has no fear what so ever of trying to speak English. He was my go-to kid if the lesson was slowing down. Although, I once asked the class who or what they dreamt of being some day. I got a lot of the standard answers like a doctor, nurse, pilot, policeman, etc. Ron said he dreamed of being Lady GaGa. Who knew?

Do you see, in the first row of the kids that are standing, the second from the left. She is leaning forward. That's Tip. I have had Tip in my classes for 4 years now. I think she was a good student, but I am not sure, because she was never there. Every day, without fail, Tip had to go see a teacher, or take a folder somewhere, or had a special something or other to do that day. It wasn't just my class either. There are about a dozen of them that seemed to have adopted the role of an assistant teacher, or secretary. Wonderful girl, and smart as heck...I think.

Upper most left, giving the mandatory little Asian girl peace sign thing. That's one of the students that I am the most proud of, Bpla. Her name means fish. Someday, I would love to be there when a Thai child is born, just so I can see the process that Thai parents go through when naming their children. I can only assume that it involves mass quantities of alcohol. I have had students whose name's translate to fish, chicken, frog, pan, nurse, and dozens of other animals or occupations. The crown goes to one of my boys whose name is Foremost. When asked, he says that yes, his dad named him after a dairy company. Apparently there was an empty milk container sitting on the table at the time. Reminds me of the "2 dogs f***ing" joke.

The teacher's name is Eng. Sweet as can be, and actually speaks English pretty well. She has been a big help to me over the years. She has a good grasp of the difference between what everyone thinks the kids can do, and what they actually can do.

I will miss these kids this year. But, there is a new crop to take the place, as there always is.

Epic Photos

2011-05-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

Quora asked which photo people thought was the most epic photo ever taken. Many are classic shots that we have all seen, but there were also a lot of pics that I had never seen. Some were amazing, like the sunny day/fireworks display/Lighting storm/Comet all in one shot. And some were truly heart wrenching, like the 9-11 photos, or the pic of the starving little girl trying to crawl the 1 kilometer to the food distribution station. There are lots of incredible shots here, check them out.

Thai Dancing Girls

2011-05-20T16:24:00.003-07:00

Ha Ha! You thought you were in for some of Pattaya's naked cutie babes, didn't you? Well, not today (that does sound like a good idea for a post though, stay tuned).

One of the fun things about being here is the fact that they have lots of holidays and celebrations. It seems like once a week, they are having a celebration for one thing or another. Our school jumps right into the festive mood too. A big dance routine is what usually happens. They are always very colorful, and last for about an hour. That's cool, because it means I get to miss the first class of the day.

This photo is of the dance team that does most of the routines. The faces change as the girls and boys come and go, but they always put on a great show. Miss Roong is in charge of setting these things up, and doing the choreography. She also teaches the kids classic Thai dance, which is quite beautiful to watch.

Planking

2011-05-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Have you "Planked" lately? Planking seems to be the latest "I can't think of anything better to do" craze to be sweeping the planet. Well, at least Australia. Apparently, to Plank, one must lay face down and stiff as a board in the most ridiculous or dangerous place one can find, and get a photo of it. You then post your plank proof on Twitter.

I may try and get my entire 7th grade class to do it, and go for some sort of Planking record. Of course, I will wait until just after a really good rain to do it. I have even made a few t-shirt designs about the new Planking fad. Let's see whether we have another meme on our hands.

The Thai Air Corp

2011-05-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

A little while ago, a few of the teachers from my school got to take a helicopter ride that had something to do with their scouting. The scouts are a big thing here. Just about every school has a scouting program that seems to be mandatory. That is Aww on the far bottom right in the close-up, and Peaw next to her in the middle. I know two of the others, but I don't see them that often at school, so I am not sure about the names.

They flew around the Lopburi area. Lopburi is about 45 kms to the west of us, and has about 65,000 people.

I want this house!

2011-05-15T20:59:00.001-07:00

This has got to be one of the coolest pics I have ever seen. I think it is a monestary in Greece. I would love to live there. Not in a monestary I mean, I would have it de-monked first, of course.

Front Page News

2011-05-06T11:14:00.001-07:00

Our daughter Pukky has just started making her own t-shirt designs on RedBubble. She has several pretty cute designs up now, but one has grabbed some attention from the powers that be. Her starfish design made it to the RedBubble homepage. Great exposure and that warm fuzzy feeling all at once, you gotta love it.

Budding Artist

2011-04-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Both of our daughters, Palmiez and Pukky, are in to computers. Palmiez has just graduated from university and gotten her first job as a programmer. Pukky is getting ready to start uni, and will probably follow along the same path. Or will she? Pukky loves to draw, and is really quite good at it. Drawing on the computer with Photoshop is new to her, but she is really going at it. She has even opened up a t-shirt shop on RedBubble to sell her new designs.

She is going by the name of "MooPukkyKa", which translates to something like "Little Pig Pukky". The "ka" on the end is a polite article that doesn't really have an exact translation that I know of. You just add it to everything you say here to be polite if you're a girl, or you add "kob" if you're a guy.

She did this one to celebrate "Drawing Day" last week. Pukky has 4-5 artworks up now, and she is really getting good at using Photoshop. Try and stop by her shop and see what she is up to.

Japan Earthquake Relief Project

2011-04-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

Say hello to my Godji tee design. As we all know, our friends in Japan just got spanked by a really nasty earthquake. Is it just me, or does this kind of thing seem to be happening more often these days? Anyway, A lot of my friends on RedBubble are into Japanese art and such, so we all want to do what we can to help out. Now, you would think that the ridiculous amount of money I have spent on Godzilla movies alone would be able to repair all the damage, but amazingly, its not. So, a lot of us are doing t-shirt, print, or postcard designs and donating the proceeds to any of the several Japanese aid organizations that have been set up. Mine are going to The Japanese Red Cross Society.

I have only sold 4 so far, but that comes out to about $20. That doesn't sound like much, but if everyone that could afford it sent that much, it would add up to millions. That would do a lot of good for our friends across the way. I don't even want to imagine a world without sushi, sake, giant rubber monster movies, or hentai, so please do what you can to help. Head over to RedBubble and choose from one of the many great artworks that have been created to lend a helping hand. Thanks!

Visa Versa

2011-03-24T03:12:00.003-07:00

Well well well, it's visa time again. Every year, I have to go and have my visa stamped so I can stay another year in hell...err, paradise, yeah yeah, paradise. I shouldn't really complain, because I usually don't have a lot of trouble with this. Roong is a fairly high ranking government officer, so most of the people we have to deal with don't want to incur her wrath. She's little, but she has great big pointy teeth.

The complication that seems to be unavoidable is the fact that I also have to get my new work permit and my new job contract all in the same month. Now, you would think that there should be some way to set this up so it can all be done on the same day, wouldn't you? We have tried, but if you don't shoot yourself in the foot, Thailand is always there to do it for you. Trust me, they are experts at wasting time and money. You can't get your visa unless you have a work permit, and you can't get your work permit without a visa. So, I have to go get a temporary work permit to get my visa, get my visa, and then go back and get my full work permit. At first, this sucked because we had to make two trips to Bangkok, and two trips to Lopburi to do all of it.

The Bangkok office is not a user friendly place. It's noisy, overcrowded, under staffed, and the staff that is there are pretty clueless. It took all day to get anything done, and there was a good chance that you would run into a problem and have to come back again to fix it. No two of the officers there did things the same way, or required the same documentation. Weird, eh? We had to miss a day of work every time we went there.

But, they have since opened an office in Lopburi. This has helped a lot. The staff there is very nice, and they all do things exactly the same way. The only problem we had this time was with the Ministry of Education. In an effort to prove that were hit with the same big "DUH" stick like all the other government offices I have had to deal with, they decided to date my two year extension for sometime in January. WHY?????????

I always take my teacher's test in May, and my visa, work permit, and contract all run out in March. Why these boobs picked that random date is still a mystery. But, it means that I have to go do everything twice now, because you can't do one without the other. So, once again I have to go get a temporary one of these, to get a temporary one of those, to get a permanent one of these, to get a permanent one of those, so I can keep doing this, here. ;p

One thing did help a bit. As the nice lady at the Visa office was explaining the latest crop of difficulties that we were headed for, she also mentioned that their office was selling fund raising tickets to some kind of live talk show that was coming soon. The money was being raised so that the Visa office could build a new building for themselves. It seems that they are borrowing the one they are using from some other agency. The tickets are 1000 baht each. Upon hearing this, Roong gave the slightest of knowing smiles, and assured the nice lady that we were there for no other reason than to support our fellow government employees. Buying the tickets, coupled with the fact that Roong went to university with about half of the women in the office, seemed to help.

Our fund raising friend then excused herself to go talk to her boss for a minute. When she returned, she went into a rather impressive 30 second two handed permit stamping flurry. Then, she winked, smiled, handed me my passport and two tickets, and said "Everything OK now!"

Visa day is always a roller coaster ride of emotions, but I have learned that if you keep calm, pay attention, and have married a woman with some serious rank, an opportunity to umm... make things easier will eventually appear.

Roong vs Big Princess

2011-03-05T05:22:00.000-08:00

The big day has come and gone. Last Friday, we all went to Roong's university so she could get her Masters diploma from big princess. The girls took a few hundred photos, most of which had absolutely nothing to do with the day's festivities, and had at least one head cut off in each of them. This is a shot of us in front of the small lake in the center of the campus (lots of very large tutrtles in there). From left to right, Palmiez (AKA Ms. Chewiize Shinoda and No. 2 Boo Boo), Puk (AKA Moo noi and No. 3 Boo Boo), Roong (AKA Big Mama and No.1 Boo Boo), and me (AKA Big Daddy and Papa moo).

We went down there Thursday after work. That evening, Roong and Puk wandered around and did what ever it is that they do. I went to The Dubliner for some cold American beer, a good cigar, food that I recognized, and people that speak the same language that I do. I got all that and a handful of cute waitresses, I was content. The next morning, it was off to the ceremony.

The day was fairly busy for all of us, except Roong. They locked all of the graduates in a big room and wouldn't even let them out to pee until after the princess had came and left. I feel sorry for the princess because during that week she had to hand out about 40,000 diplomas. Each student had about 3 seconds to step up, do their little royal hand gesture to receive their diploma, and then take a few steps back and bow.

The princess pulled up in her dijon mustard colored Rolls Royce at about 9 am. She was followed by a small fleet of red Mercedes Benz'. I'm not sure who all of those people were. Anyway, since we couldn't go into the building, I took the girls shopping.

First we headed for Siam Paragon. It's a huge department store about an hour by taxi across Bangkok. The bookstore was amazing, but very expensive, so I didn't get anything. I will go back and raid it some day though. There was a Lamborghini dealer on the 3rd floor. The girls were baffled as to how they might have gotten the cars up there to the showroom. There were two beautiful salesgirls in there, but they were both fast asleep in their chairs. I wonder how many people actually buy luxury sports cars at the mall?

After that we had lunch at Burger King. Yeah, I know, but when you only get to eat that garbage once a year or so, you miss it. Then we jumped on the subway and went to a different mall to get Puk's uniforms, but I don't remember the name of it. We found a place to get Puk's uniforms easy enough, but waiting for her to pick out a pair of shoes took a while. She seemed happy enough with everything.

Then, we headed back to the campus. 3 hours of 90 degrees and 99% humidity. Since no one was allowed in the room with the princess, they televised the ceremony on TV in many of the other buildings. We found one with air conditioning and watched a bit of it. After it was all over, and the princess had gone, we found Roong in the crowd and tried to head for the exit. It was about then that her sister Thaa and her husband Egg showed up. Time for more mandatory photos. I was having a nicotine withdrawal fit about then because you can't smoke on the campus, so Palmiez and I hit the gate while they took photos.

Thaa had apparently already made a reservation at some Japanese restaurant on the other side of the city for dinner. That was a bit far for us after a busy day, besides the fact that none of us like Japanese food all that much. But, the girls wanted to go, so they headed off and Roong and I went back to the hotel for a nap. With the exception of 2 double Whoppers with cheese, extra pickles,tomatoes, and mustard, possibly the best part of the day.

Later that evening, we wanted to go out to eat, but weren't sure what we wanted. I remembered that I had heard a friend mention that Bangkok was now sporting a few Mexican restaurants that were supposed to be pretty good. So, we tried to find one. I first asked the people at the hotel if they knew where one was. I should have known better. They had no clue, no phone book, and apparently no 411 service. Plan B was to ask a taxi driver. That worked better. He made a few phone calls, and came up with "Sunrise Tacos" on Suhkumvit Rd. Off we went.

That place wasn't bad at all. It's about half a step above a Taco Bell, but the food and the service was good. I got a burrito that was the size of the NY Times rolled up, and all the sour cream and guacamole I could handle, and was in heaven. Roong had her first Quesadilla. Roong isn't a big meat eater, so it was a bit much for her. But, she seemed to like the taste, and will probably enjoy it more the next time, now that she knows how to adjust her order.

As I was getting ready to leave the bar Thursday night it struck me that I still had about 450 test papers to grade, which equals roughly 25,000 questions that I had to wade through. I sat back down and had 2 more beers. We headed back home early this morning to get caught up on everything we gotten to escape from for a few short days. I think I have to go take those damn teachers tests again in May. Only 60 more days until beer and burritos!

Big mama's Degree

2011-02-13T14:29:00.001-08:00

Roong's graduation ceremony is almost here. She has to go and practice a few times before the actual event. She will receive her Master's Degree diploma from "Big Princess" on the 4th of March. There will be many thousands of people graduating during that week. Roong was told that they only want each person to take something like 3 seconds to receive their diploma from the princess.

The girls and I are going, but we won't get to see much. For security reasons, only the graduates are allowed in the room with the princess. No cell phones or anything are allowed to be carried in there either. We have to watch the ceremony on a big monitor outside of the hall.

Roong has to practice all morning, and then will graduate in the afternoon. So, I will take the girls shopping while she is doing the practicing, and then come back to watch the ceremony. Puk needs to get her university uniforms and such for her first term. The ceremony will be held in Bangkok, so we can hit some decent stores for a change. I haven't had any bad pizza or been to a good bookstore since last year. Hmmm, on second thought, I'd rather have good pizza and a bad bookstore.

Monster Quest

2011-02-11T06:25:00.000-08:00

I had a rather odd thing happen at school today. On Friday, my last class is M-2/4 (8th grade). They are pretty good kids, and they work hard so they usually finish the lesson a few minutes early. The school is shaped like a horseshoe, and this class is in one of the inside corners, right next to the bathroom. Just before this class ends, there are a steady stream of P-5 kids (5th grade) going back and forth from the bathroom going past my class.

One day, a few months ago I happened to step out into the hall about this time amidst the flow. I guess I should mention that I have been known to tease the kids a bit, just to get them fired up before they go back to class. I will jump out and roar at them, or give them a quick snap with my handkerchief. They laugh and scatter, and make it a game to see if they can get by my room without getting caught.

Anyway, on this particular day I had just stepped out of the class and was looking down the hall, when I happened to lock eyes with one of the kids that I hadn't seen before. Usually, when they see me for the first time, they are just curious or sometimes a bit shy. This kid reacted in a whole new way. He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes got huge, and he turned around and ran all the way back around to the other side of the building and into his classroom. That's a good 200 yards, and he covered the distance pretty damn quick. But, I didn't see which room he ran into. Job, one of my students, had walked out into the hall at the same time I had and saw it too. We just kind of looked at each other and gave a WTF shrug, and forgot about it.

Well, it happened again on the next Friday, and just about every one after that too. After a few of these, I had to find out what had this kid so scared. So, The next time I saw the kids starting to come by, I had Job go out and look for the kid. He found him standing in the same spot he always was staring at my room. Job told him that I was in the teacher's office, and that it was Ok to go by. As they got even with my room, I slowly stepped out of the doorway. The kid freaked! Job grabbed him by the arm to keep him there so I could ask him what was wrong, but that only made things worse. He started shrieking and bawling his eyes out. Job let him go, and he took off like a shot back to his room.

But this time, we saw where he went. I wasn't sure how much English the kid could speak, so I took Job and Ploy with me to translate if need be. We walked around to his classroom to see what the hell was going on. He apparently saw us coming, because when we got there, he had wedged himself behind the classroom door and the wall. This would probably had been more effective if it weren't for the fact the the classroom doors are made of glass. But, there he was with his hands covering his face, and crying his eyes out like it was the judgment day.

Ploy tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer her. His teacher was there, so I asked her if he was off his meds, or what? After a few minutes, she finally got him to calm down enough to ask him what was wrong, what was he so afraid of. Between the sniffs and tears he finally sputtered that it was me he was afraid of. When she asked him why, he said it was because I was a mountain giant, and he was afraid that I was going to eat him.

A mountain giant!? You have got to be kidding me. I mean, I stand at least 2 ft taller than the average kid at the school and close to a foot taller than most of the teachers, but that is ridiculous! I couldn't help but laugh. That didn't help much. His teacher assured him that everything was alright, and that nothing was going to happen to him. He stopped crying finally and came out from behind the door. After a few minutes of "there there there's" and back patting, he seemed to recover a bit, but was still wary.

As a final parting gesture I extended my hand and offered to shake his. After a moment of hesitation he timidly accepted it. As he did, I leaned in close to his ear, and in my best broken Thai, assured him that I wasn't going to eat him today........but that I was sure that he'd be nice and crunchy, and taste good with ketchup!

I can't wait until I have him in my class next year! ;)

The Rabbit Is Everywhere!

2011-01-16T01:47:00.000-08:00

RedBubble has a special section called "The Buyer's Booth". It's a place where people that have purchased t-shirts and stuff on RB can send in a photo of themselves, or whomever, sporting their latest fashion acquisition. Someone was nice enough to send in a shot of their son Zak wearing one of my "Rabbit Hand Shadow" baby tees. I am not sure who the rabbit laying next to him is, some wannabee I guess.

Zak has a pretty big smile on his face, but I am not sure if it is due to the fact that he knows he is looking sharp in his new Mobii art t-shirt, or because he just filled his diaper. Hey, as long as he's happy!

Make Custom Gifts at CafePress

Fat People Can't Hula-Hoop!

2011-01-11T05:31:00.000-08:00

Are you worried that you have gained a few extra pounds? Do you think you might be working up a bit of a spare tire? Don't bother asking your other half. You know damn well we have to lie, or risk eternal damnation. If you want to know the truth (and you know you can't handle the truth!), just pick up a hula hoop and have a go at it. That will answer your question real quick. Because, fat people can't hula-hoop!

Here's what happened. Mondays and Tuesdays are my busiest days at school. I have a full load of classes, and most of them are my ....umm.... less than brilliant students. It can be nerve racking, to say the least. Anyway, after Tuesday's battle, I went to Bannok to have enough beers to convince myself that it was all just a bad dream. My wife stopped by on her way home, and we talked for a bit before she left.

There was no one else there for about an hour, and I was quite content just having a few, and listening to music on my mp3 player. Then, Gee (one of the waitresses) walked in sporting a pair of hula hoops. One large one, and one small one. She spun the large one, and made it look like it was the easiest thing in the world. I think she even called her boyfriend on her cell phone while she was doing it.

Well, the other girls, including Eid (the owner) all gave it a shot, and had no trouble at all. Then, they asked me if i wanted to try. Now, I am sure that I could hula-hoop when I was a kid. I am quite sure that I remember doing it. But, I couldn't even get it to go around twice. The obvious reason to me was that it's because I have no waist. Basic physics tells me that if the hoop doesn't have a slighter axis point to rotate one, then gravity will take charge and it will go down like Oprah on a baked ham.

The girls thought that this was hysterical. They decided that men can't hula-hoop. I got Eid's cousin to give it a try. He isn't as big as I am, but living in a restaurant hasn't helped his figure any. He couldn't do it either. So, I called on Air to try it. He has given up his fake boobs, but is still built like a tall skinny girl. No success there either, and he has hips! he was worse than I was at it.

About then, Blinky came out of the back room. We asked her to give it a try. Luckily for us, her hula-hooping is about as good as her karaoke singing. And, even though she has a smoking hot body, she couldn't even get it to go around once. Haaa! But, even with that small victory, the rule seems to be that unless you have at least some type of waist, you aren't going to be able to hula the hoop.

I have now vowed to lose enough weight to be able to hula-hoop better than Blinky can. This may take a while.

2 Seconds of Fame?

2010-10-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

I was kind of half watching a show about the filming of the "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" series. About halfway through it they flashed to a shot of one of the producers or directors standing next to a camera. It wasn't until after the show had gone on for another minute or so, that I thought "Damn, that guy's t-shirt looked familiar".

I went to Youtube and pulled up all the trailers and "Behind the scene" type of stuff, and finally found one that showed that guy. Hey! That's my t-shirt design! It's a silhouette of John Steed and Emma Peel from the old "Avengers" series from back in the late 60's. Lots of other people have done variations on that silhouette shot from the opening credits, but as far as I could find, none of them are exactly like mine.

Odds are that he didn't get it from me, but you never know. If he did buy it from me, it must have been several months ago, because I took that white version of that design down because it wasn't selling very well. The black silhouette version is still here though.

Whether it is or isn't my design doesn't matter much I guess, but I must admit that it was a real rush thinking that it could have been.

2010 Flood

2010-10-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

We get some serious flooding every year at about this time. Sometimes much of Bangkok is underwater. I guess filling in most of the canals wasn't such a good idea after all, was it.

We get hit here pretty hard too, because we live close to the dam and the river. This year, 8 out of the 10 villages in Roong's district totally flooded out. She has been working 7 days a week to supervise the distribution of food and clean water to the refugees. The worst part may be yet to come though, because after the flood waters recede, then they have to deal with the mosquitoes and disease that always seems to follow this time of year.

Almost finished

2010-10-20T02:34:00.001-07:00

She did it! Palmiez has finished University. Well, almost. Apparently her last semester is an OJT type of deal. She has already found a job at a company in Bangkok that will hire her for the semester to work in their IT department. I imagine, that if she does well they will keep her on a permanent basis.

Her final project for this last term was to construct a pen that could identify it's owner's signature. That way, if it was stolen, it wouldn't work for the thief. She confiscated my drawing tablet to build it, I hope I see it again someday. She should be home in a few days for a brief vacation before she starts her job. I am anxious to see how her project turned out. We have already gotten her term grades, 3 A's and 2 B's. We are very proud of her.

Mai pet, kob

2010-10-18T21:26:00.001-07:00

If knowing the difference between adding a little pizazz to a dish and burning the enamel off one's teeth is an art, then the Thais are still finger painting. Thai food has a lot of chilies in it, and they diabolically come in all kinds of colors so you can't always easily sort them out.

The easy solution would seem to be to tell the waitress, or the cook, "Mai pet, kob". That means "Not hot, please" in Thai. For some reason, that doesn't work very well. I am not sure if it is because the waitresses just don't pay any attention to what you are saying, or because the cook thinks that the look on your face you get after swallowing a mouthful of those things is funny as hell.

At first, I thought that I was just getting a bit older and couldn't handle the hot stuff like I used too. I would take a bite of something, turn beet red, and start sweating in places that I didn't know I had. Then, I would raise 7 kinds of hell about it, and the girls would be laughing their little brown asses off. Mind you, this would happen at the same places I have been eating at least a few times a week, for almost 5 years now. I was pretty sure it was a conspiracy, because Thai folk can have a pretty evil sense of humor when the mood strikes them.

But, after watching our girls for a while, I noticed the same thing happening to them too. They are just sneakier about their suffering. After Palmiez would take a bite of something, She would put her head down a little to chew it. I asked her why she did that, and when she looked up at me, it was clear as day. She had tears streaming out of her eyes and a water mustache.

I asked her "Alloy mai?", which means "Is it delicious?". To which she coughed, blinked back the tears, and sputtered "Chai, alloy mach daddy", which means "Yes, it's very delicious". So, I asked her why, if it was so good, was she crying? She just giggled and kept eating.

I have, on many occasions, tried to explain to them that "hot" is not a flavor, but have met with no success. Roong tells me that chillies are good for you. She can't seem to explain why, but remains convinced that it is true. Deep down, I may be hoping that maybe there is some wonderous hidden health benefit to them that I haven't discovered yet, and that she puts them in there because she loves me. But, until I develop the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or live to be 147 years old, I will remain convinced that she does it just to see ridiculous faces I make when I come across one of her culinary booby traps.

Asian Determination

2010-09-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

A person could know South Korea for a long time without knowing Wanju, an obscure county 112 miles south of Seoul. And, at least until recently, a person could know a lot about Wanju without ever hearing of Cha Sa-soon, a 69-year-old woman who lives alone in the mountain-ringed village of Sinchon.

Now, however, Ms. Cha is an unlikely national celebrity.

This diminutive woman, now known nationwide as “Grandma Cha Sa-soon,” has achieved a record that causes people here to first shake their heads with astonishment and then smile: She failed her driver’s test hundreds of times but never gave up. Finally, she got her license — on her 960th try.

For three years starting in April 2005, she took the test once a day five days a week. After that, her pace slowed, to about twice a week. But she never quit.

Hers is a fame based not only on sheer doggedness, a quality held in high esteem by Koreans, but also on the universal human sympathy for a monumental — and in her case, cheerful — loser.

“When she finally got her license, we all went out in cheers and hugged her, giving her flowers,” said Park Su-yeon, an instructor at Jeonbuk Driving School, which Ms. Cha once attended. “It felt like a huge burden falling off our back. We didn’t have the guts to tell her to quit because she kept showing up.”

Of course, Ms. Park and another driving teacher noted, perhaps Ms. Cha should content herself with simply getting the license and not endangering others on the road by actually driving. But they were not too worried about the risk, they said, because it was the written test, not the driving skill and road tests, that she failed so many times.

WHEN word began spreading last year of the woman who was still taking the test after failing it more than 700 times, reporters traced her to Sinchon, where the bus, the only means of public transportation, comes by once every two hours on a street so narrow it has to pull over to let other vehicles pass.

They followed her to the test site in the city of Jeonju, an hour away. There, they also videotaped her in the market, where she sells her home-grown vegetables at an open-air stall.

Once she finally got her license, in May, Hyundai-Kia Automotive Group, South Korea’s leading carmaker, started an online campaign asking people to post messages of congratulations. Thousands poured in. In early August, Hyundai presented Ms. Cha with a $16,800 car.

Ms. Cha, whose name, coincidentally enough, is Korean for “vehicle,” now also appears on a prime-time television commercial for Hyundai.

It is a big change from her non-celebrity life, spent simply in a one-room hut with a slate roof, where the only sounds on a recent summer day were from a rain-swollen brook, occasional military jets flying overhead and cicadas rioting in the nearby persimmon trees. A lone old man dozed, occasionally swatting at flies, in a small shop next to the bus stop.

Born to a peasant family with seven children but no land, Ms. Cha spent her childhood working in the fields and studying at an informal night school. It was not until she turned 15 that she joined a formal school as a fourth grader. But her schooling ended there a few years later.

“Father had no land, and middle school was just a dream for me,” she said.

Ms. Cha said she had always envied people who could drive, but it was not until she was in her 60s that she got around to trying for a license.

“Here, if you miss the bus, you have to wait another two hours. Talk about frustration!” said Ms. Cha, who had to transfer to a second bus to get to her driving test site and to yet another to reach her market stall.

“But I was too busy raising my four children,” she continued. “Eventually they all grew up and went away and my husband died several years ago, and I had more time for myself. I wanted to get a driver’s license so I could take my grandchildren to the zoo.”

I Learned A New Word Today

2010-06-25T06:36:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure that on any given day, I learn a hell of a lot more than my class does. I don't know if that's just life, or if it's just me. Here's what happened..

My wife won't teach me any Thai dirty words. At first, I thought it was because she was just an old prude, but then I realized that Thais don't really have a lot of curse words. Your expression or tone of voice does more for emphasis than any particular explicative that you could use. They have some, but not a great selection.

Today, one of my better students was trying to dazzle me with her latest batch of barely understandable vocabulary. After she had run out, she smiled real big and said "I speak ang-grit very well". "Ang-grit" is the Thai word for English. I rolled my eyes and said "Yes, I can see that". I then reminded her that she should practice her English every day. She thought about it for a second, and said "fuk ang-grit!" I had a moment of panic, and then calmly asked her what she had said. She smiled and replied "Chan fuk ang-grit".

Well, that's what I though she said. I figured that it would be much more fun to have an audience, if I could get her to say that again. This was better than South Park. I headed over to the teacher's office with little Miw in tow. Miss Nong happened to be in there, so I asked her to listen to Miw's latest verbal accomplishment.

On command, Miw loudly said "Fuk Ang-grit!". I looked at Nong, who looked back at me, smiled, and said "that's good". I was a bit confused. I asked Miw where she had gotten that, and to my surprise, she said she had gotten it from me. I admit to having let a few borderline words slip occasionally because no one understands what I am saying anyway, but never that one. I think Miw noticed my confusion, because she grabbed a dictionary and quickly looked up the word "fuk". In Thai, it means "to practice". When she said "Fuk ang-grit", she was telling me that she practiced her English, as I said she needed to do. I smiled and told her how proud I was of her, thanked Nong, and took a smiling little miss Miw back to class.

I guess the moral to the story is that if you really want to learn a new language, and be able to speak it well, you have to "fuk" a lot.

Pukky's Birthday Video

2010-06-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

Puk turned 17 a little less than 2 weeks ago, so Roong made a video about it. Per the norm, we went to Ban-nok to eat, drink, and be merry. Until the karaoke starts, and then it's just lots of drinking. Roong has all kinds of things on her website now, give it a look.

Infomobiimmercial

2010-06-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

Roong has been making slideshow videos for her greeting cards and flower photos. So, I decided to make one for my t-shirts. Great tee art and banjo music. What more could you ask for? Yeah, I know, pretty girls. I'm working on it. Mobii's RedBubble

Velveeta is Indestructable

2010-06-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, my mom sends me a block of Velveeta cheese. I am very grateful for this because I like Velveeta, but also, it's a little bit of home, that I can't get here. Thai people don't seem to like cheese. They also apparently have an aversion to salad dressing, but that's another story. Anyway, Mom put a block of the pasteurized gold in a box with some undies, a can of Pringles, and tees, and sent it on it's merry way. About 2 weeks later, I received a notice from the post office that a package had arrived for me, but had been damaged along the way. That is secret post office code for "we opened it up, but didn't want anything in there".

I immediately went bat shit crazy. Mom sends these little treasures once every few months, and it's expensive to send anything larger than a letter from Missouri to Thailand. Also, the little shits try and charge me for it when it gets here. It's some type of import tax, but they give it a different name every time they ask for it. I have found that taking Roong with me usually solves that problem, because she out ranks them.

Back to the cheese. I went there after work, and was immediately ushered to the back to see the package. There were three postal workers standing around one of those small carts, looking like surgeons who knew the patient they were going to operate on wasn't going to pull through. It was pretty bad.

One half of the box was totally crushed. It had also been ripped open at one corner. It happened after it arrived, because I could see the Bangkok stamp mark that the tear had divided. I slammed my fist down on the table and let loose with a pretty impressive string of colorful vocabulary. I ripped open what was left of the box to see if anything had survived. At first, it was hard to tell. Everything was covered in crushed Pringles. The clothes seemed ok, just a bit oily and full of crumbs. Nothing a good washing couldn't fix. But, as I lifted them off, there was the cheese.

It was pretty bad. It had been pretty much flattened, and the box was torn open at one end. I carefully picked it up, and took the the box apart. What I ended up with, could best be described as a silver water balloon. As near as I could tell, the foil that the Velveeta is wrapped in hadn't been damaged. It seems that It was so hot wherever it had been stored, that the cheese had pretty much liquefied. So, when it got smashed, it just kind of shifted it's shape. It was hard to pick up, because it just wanted to flow out of your hands.

There was hope! So, I gave a last scowl and growl to the post office workers, and hurried home. I put the cheese in the fridge, and kind of wedged it between 2 boxes to try and give it some shape. I left it in there for 2 days to let it set again, in hopes that it would be edible.

It worked. I am munching down on a cheese sandwich, even as we speak. Everyone has heard the urban legends, that Velveeta is just one molecule away from being plastic. True, or not, it's still pretty amazing. The smashing, the heat, and everything else, didn't phase it. It tastes fine. Velveeta truly is indestructible. Thanks Mom!

Things are looking up

2010-05-01T07:44:00.000-07:00

"I wanted to wait a few weeks before posting this story, because I wasn’t sure something horrible wasn’t going to happen as a result of it. It seems that a province in southern Thailand has brought a pig-tailed macaque monkey on to its police force. And while I’ve seen some photos showing Officer Santisuk here getting a little yell-y and mooning the general populace, in general it seems that he hasn’t gotten drunk with power. Nobody’s face has been bitten off yet, which is more than some police forces here in the States can attest to. Keep it up, Santisuk, and maybe someday you’ll make detective.

*This was reprinted from the fancy notions blog

I live in a petting zoo

2010-04-25T19:32:00.001-07:00

Ok, everyone sing along, Ooooooo....

If there's a cobra on your carport, clap your hands!
If there's a cobra on your carport, clap your hands!

If it's prone to nasty fits, and it strikes at you, or spits,

There's a cobra on your carport, clap your hands!

Ahhh... spring is in the air, and that means hatching time for our favorite lurker. It wasn't quite as big as this bad boy, but that doesn't seem to matter. The little ones are just as dangerous as the big ones, and less predictable. Luckily, stupid Bongo was too busy barking at the neighbors to notice our visitor. The people across the street have been here at least as long as I have, but for some reason, Bongo only barks at them, and chases their scooters. She doesn't bother anyone else on our block. Anyway, I used a broom to shoo the snake out the gate, and it went down the storm drain. I am not so much worried about anyone getting bitten, as I am about the poor snake getting eaten.

New Mobii Art T-shirts

2010-04-13T03:30:00.001-07:00

Since I am still on holiday, and it's too damn hot to go outside, I put some new t-shirt designs up. I thought putting the star sign constellations on a tee might be an interesting thing to do. But, after remembering how cheesy "Hey baby, what's your sign?" sounded, I almost took them back down again. Haaa! The Thai fish yin-yang is an old design. I found a great book that is teaching me some of the basics for Thai art. This was one of the designs in the book that they show you as a reference. Pig and Dog, Machine Gun Fingers, and the rest, pretty much speak for themselves.

Pig and Dog

Thai Fish Yin-Yang

Blame Japan

Machine Gun Fingers

Newbie in Wonderland

Life

Aquarius Constellation Zodiac

Spidey to the rescue.

2010-03-14T00:16:00.001-08:00

Just when you think you can't take this backwards ass hell hole anymore, something like this happens...

(03-25) 08:11 PDT BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) --

Spiderman to the rescue!

A Thai firefighter put on a Spiderman costume to rescue a superhero-loving autistic boy who climbed onto a third-floor balcony and dangled his legs over the side because he was nervous on his first day of school.

Somchai Yoosabai was called in after the 11-year-old boy's teachers and mother failed to coax him off the ledge on Monday, he said in a telephone interview Wednesday.

"He was nervous about the first day at school, and he was asking for his mother," Somchai said. "He cried and refused to let any of us get close to him."

Overhearing a conversation between the boy's mother and his teachers about his love for comics and superheros, Somchai rushed back to the fire station to change into a Spiderman costume before swinging into action.

"I told him Spiderman is here to save you. No monster will hurt you now," Somchai said. "Then I told him to walk slowly toward me. I was very nervous that he might have slipped if he got too excited and ran."

Somchai, who keeps costume of Spiderman and a Japanese superhero Ultraman to liven up fire drills at schools, said the teary-eyed boy broke into a smile and started walking into his arms.

Possibly Published

2009-12-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

I received an email from a woman named Anna from Frontiers magazine. Their magazine and website deal with neuroscience or some such brainy type things. She apparently stumbled across an impressionistic type artwork I did last year called "Sunset on Age". She wanted to know if I would be interested in submitting the artwork for possible use. This sounded like a good plan so I sent it to her immediately, if not sooner. She says they will decide on the final artworks that will be in the issue at the end of February, so keep your fingers crossed.

The USA Invades Thailand!

2009-09-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

I received an interesting e-mail from my brother Rob last week. It basically said "We will land in Bangkok in 2 days. Be ready." After the initial excitement of seeing some family after 3 years settled down a bit, we began wondering what the heck to do. Bangkok is huge. There are 17 million people running about there, and they all like to drive (badly) at the same time. Anyway, Rob and Lauren got in late, so they stayed at a hotel the first night. Roong, Palmiez, and I chartered a mini-van and set off to find them early the next morning.....

Roong came up with the idea of visiting a small city in a neighboring province that is basically a little Thailand. It is shaped like the country and has all for major areas represented there. It has little shops and restaurants that give tourists an idea of what each area has to offer. This turned out ok. It was the middle of the week, so it was not crowded, but many of the shops and restaurants weren't open. Still, there were some interesting things to see. We spent a lot of our time trying to dodge tour buses full of noisy students.

I am not sure when the last photo of us together was taken. I think Rob said the only existing photo of all 3 of us together is that god awful photo of us as kids, wearing those 60's striped pants and zipper front shirts (Never let your grandma buy clothes for you). This shot was taken somewhere in Lopburi.

This shot of Roong, Palmiez, and I was taken at the ancient Siam city. They have a few small shrines from the different provinces. Rob said that he had had a knee surgery not too long ago. It was nice to know that I was not the only one creaking as they went to kneel on the floor.

The dudes and their daughters. Of course everyone is giving the mandatory little Asian girl peace sign thingy. Soooo creative (NOT!). After we wandered around the village, we headed over to the Hard Rock Cafe, so Rob and lauren could get a few t-shirts and shot glasses. It was only a few minutes away from the hotel that they were staying in according to the map. This did not, however, take in to concideration our fearless mini-van driver.

The problem with hiring the guy from our town to drive was that he only knew a few places in Bangkok. Most of which are on the main highway in. He spent most of his time chattering on the phone getting directions. He had to turn around a few times, but all in all, he did ok. Bangkok is huge and the traffic is rugged, there is just no way to get anywhere quickly.

Once that was all taken care of, we headed back to Pattananikom. Rob and Lauren stayed at "Bannok". That was nice. The rooms are clean, and the place is friendly. Ead even had breakfast for them the next morning. We sat, had a few beers, and talked for quite a while until jet lag, and the 12 hours we spent riding around in that goofy mini-van slowly won out over us. I don't think anyone had trouble sleeping that night.

The next day we met for lunch and just relaxed a bit more. We decided to try and make one more stop before we headed to the airport. Lopburi is kind of on the way, and has some interesting things to see.

One of the true highlights of the day was Lauren and the monkeys. This ancient structure is in the center of old Lopburi. There used to be many of these set up all over Thailand. Roong says that they were little Wats, or temples. I imagine they were quite beautiful in their glory days.

Now, the monkeys have decided that they own it. It has been fenced off, but the monkeys still travel wherever they want to in Lopburi. You can buy little bags of sunflower seeds to feed the monkeys, and one of the locals, armed with a slingshot, will help keep them under control. The little buggers will steal anything they can get their hands on.

This isn't the best photo of Lauren and the monkeys, but to see that one, you will have to ask her. Haaaa!

After this, we headed for the airport. I had not driven to the new airport before, so this was interesting. We made it there on time, only to find out that there United ticket counter was closed, and would not open until the next morning. This meant that Rob and Lauren had to grab a hotel near by for 6 hours or so. Anything near the airport is expensive to the point of being ridiculus. But there was nothing else to do.

I was a little worried because Roong and Palmiez were so quiet during all this. They can be shy at times, but both can speak English. They both started to loosen up a bit near the end. They were so worried about being accepted. Everyone seemed to get along just fine. Roong is already planning what to do when they come back. I heard about this for every single second on the 3 hour trip back home. Haaaa!

It was great to see family again. I hope that they can come back soon. Next time we can head down to Pattaya and hang out by the beach. Beer and seafood always works. I would like to get up to Chiang Mai to see the mountain villages and the flower festival, but it's 11 hours away. I think they do have an airport though. We will see.

Mobii Gets Swine Flu Fever!

2009-05-20T09:29:00.001-07:00

It's just sad when people try to cash in on the misery of others, isn't it? It's not so sad if you actually do make some cash though. These are my latest contributions. See the rest on my Redbubble site.

Health Dept. Update

2009-05-20T09:23:00.001-07:00

Warning

If you receive an email from the 'Department of Environment & Health' saying not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu, just ignore it.........it's SPAM!

Helpful Post Office Tips....

2009-05-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

My, my, my, what an interesting Friday we had here. I had just finished the first week of the new school year. I was drained, but pleased with the results of my new lesson plan. As I was leaving work, I got a phone call from Roong, asking me to meet her at the post office. I assumed that there was a registered letter, or some other such thing that I needed to sign for. No big deal, so off I went.

*Flashback* Last week, during an email to my Dad, I recall him saying that he was going to cut the grass that day. I remember saying that although I didn't miss cutting the grass, I did miss having a yard. Please keep this in mind as the story continues. Back to Friday.....

Upon my arrival at the post office, I notice my wife having what looks to be a very serious discussion with several men, most of which are in uniform and armed (guns out). When they saw me, things got very quiet, very quickly. The guy with the most medals snapped something off to the postal clerk, and motioned for me to go to him. He had an opened manila envelope in his hand, and proceeded to withdraw and hand me the one page letter inside. The note was a message from dad, reminding me of the grass email conversation we had the week before. Please remember, that I am the only one present with the ability read the note. After reading the letter, I looked at everyone like, "Ok, so what?". At which time the postal clerk dumped the rest of the contents of the envelope on the counter.

Dad had sent me a bunch of cut grass, as a joke. Hmmm..now let's think about this. What would happen if I sent about 2 ounces of dried green leafy stuff through the mail to the USA? Yup, the same thing. They were not amused. They asked me if it was marijuana. I told them I wasn't sure, and that if he would chase me up a pipe real quick, I would be happy to find out. They were still not amused. I explained what it was to Roong, who in spite of the seriousness of everyone else started giggling. She in turn explained it to the police. After a while, and much contents sniffing, they finally believed us, and we were allowed to leave. But, not without getting a severe lecture that luckily, I didn't understand a word of. And, the bastards kept my grass! There is no doubt in my mind that those clowns either tried to smoke it, or sell it within 15 minutes.

So, there you have it. Proof positive that you should "Just say NO", and shouldn't send grass through the mail. And Dad, a bit of Thai trivia, they can literally shoot you on the spot for drug dealing here, and next time, send the ganja to my school address, they never search educational material!

The Answer

2009-05-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

*Thanks Dee!

Grass Chairs

2009-04-27T04:58:00.000-07:00

Is this brilliant, or what? Get ready for summer by growing your own grass chairs! Instead of wasting hours trying to decide on which matching lawn furniture set to buy, why not let nature do its job by letting it grow eco-friendly organic grass chairs for your backyard while you wait? No more of the annual scraping and painting. Now, all I need is a yard!

I am looking forward to retirement

2009-04-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Teacher's License Update

2009-04-22T05:14:00.000-07:00

Well, although it's still a bit gloomy where this is concerned, we did find some new info. With a letter from my school, I can get another 2 year extension. I have to keep taking those damn tests though to show that I am making an effort. This is a lot more than I can say for the Thai government. Roong found a Uni in Lopburi that offers a condensed teachers certificate course that will satisfy the Ministry of Education. It takes 9 months of going to school one weekend a month. Not bad, but it costs 60,000 baht. That's about half of what it would cost in Bangkok. But the catch is that they stopped the program due to lack of interest. There aren't many foreigners where I am, and most seem to have given up. I am searching for others that might be interested in the course because the prof. told Roong that he would re-open the course if we could get 8 students. We will see how that goes.

I have to get my visa renewed this month. I think we are going next Thursday. I don't look forward to sitting in the Immi. office all day, but I do get cheeseburgers. With all the fuss over education lately, I was looking online for free courses that I might be able to take to give me an edge on something. A surprising amount of places offer free courses. None of them give you any college credits of course, but I thought I might find a useful one.

I noticed that Brigham Young offered a few, so I looked at the list, and noticed that they offer bowling, beginner's swimming, and 300 religion courses. There's a lesson in there somewhere. I almost signed up for the swimming just to see how that works online.

A Hoax?

2009-04-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

This Is Not A Joke!

4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW
YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.

Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112.

If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112<> and the mobile will search any existing
network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled
even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry?
This may come in handy someday.
Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home,
call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button,
holding it near the mobile phone on their end.

Your car will unlock.

Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you.

Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has
the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'

THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the
instrument will show a 50% increase in battery.

This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a
STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #

A 15 digit code will appear on the screen.

This number is unique to your handset.

Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.

They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.

You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

ATM - PIN Number Reversal - Good to Know
If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can notify the police by entering your PIN # &n bsp;
in reverse.

For example, if your pin number is 1234, then you would put in 4321.

The ATM system recognizes that your PIN number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine.

The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be
immediately dispatched to the location.

This information was recently broadcast on CTV by Crime Stoppers however it is seldom used because people just don't know about it.
Please pass this along to everyone.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends

Pancakes hit Thailand!

2009-04-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

While we were at the store last week in Lopburi. I stumbled across a box of pancake mix. I hadn't seen it anywhere here before. After blowing the dust off the box, we decided to give it a go. This morning, because she was the hungriest, Palmiez decided to try making them. She did great for her first time. They don't in any way shape or for even resemble round, but they taste ok. The shape may be due to her trying to make them in a wok. We may need to find a legit frying pan somewhere.

Oh, and you may have noticed that Palm is sporting a new shorter doo. She got fed up with the heat, and whacked it all off. Makes sense to me. I have mine so short now that I noticed I have a small birthmark on the left side of my head, just above my ear. Who knew?

Palmiez the Mad Scientist

2009-04-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Palmy built a robot! It was an assignment for one of her classes. While she was building it, I was trying to guess what it would do. I naturally went for the most obvious things. Like a robot that could talk on the cell phone for her, while she was talking on her other one. Or, maybe a robot that would fold the laundry for her (she hates doing that!). As the unveiling crept closer, she ran into a snag. She had been working with a group of other students, but it seems that her instructor wasn't to thrilled with what they had achieved so far. This worried her a bit, but didn't stop her. Palmiez decided to do it herself. What she ended up making, is a little robot mouse that follows a beam of light to wherever you want it to go. I am not sure what you could do with it, but it's pretty cool just the same. She received a very good grade, and is most pleased with herself.

Buddhism vs Easter

2009-04-11T08:58:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter everyone. I hadn't noticed that it was almost here. Living in the land of Buddhism can make that easy to happen. There isn't much attention paid to the Christian holidays. I believe that Easter is a celebration of Christ's rise from the grave? Let's face it, everyone here believes in continuous reincarnation, so JC coming back from the dead only once, pretty much makes him an amateur! XD

4 out of 5 RedBubblers agree....

2009-04-03T16:21:00.001-07:00

Yeah baby! My "Return of Dead Fish" tee design made the first slot on the front of RedBubble's home page. A little recognition isn't a bad thing to see first thing in the morning. Now, if i could just sell a few of the damn things! Haaa!

Ead had a baby!!

2009-03-23T08:42:00.001-07:00

You get used to some pretty strange things here. A few times a month, you have to wait a bit at an intersection, because there are elephants stomping down the street. Cobras in the bathroom, stuff like that. But this one was the most interesting. I finally got Roong to go to "Long Bia" again. She doesn't like it much, because the music is a bit loud for her, and the food isn't that great, but she finally caved in.

While we were sitting there, one of the regular waitresses strolled up with what looked to be a baby in her arms. I must admit that the long arms and long orange hair threw me off for a second or two. Most kids here have black hair. Anyway, it turns out that she was holding a baby Orangutan. It seems that one of the keepers at the local zoo occasionally gets a wild hair, and takes one of the animals for a night out. Babies give me the creeps, but I must admit that holding a baby Orangutan is pretty cool. They hang on with their feet. Either he was pretty tired from all the excitement, or maybe he just found a nice soft place to put his face, because he just hung on and slept. Was very interesting indeed. The picture was taken on a cell phone, so it's not too clear, sorry.

Famous in Thailand

2009-02-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

Which is basically like being the head french fry boy at McDonalds. I have been teaching here in one place or another for almost 3 years now. It seems to finally be paying off a bit. People have started to come looking for me for lessons. That's a good thing because trying to initiate a class or group to learn English here in Pattananikom is pretty difficult. The few times we have tried always start out great, but slowly fade down to classes that are too small to make it worth while. Let's face it, learning a language pretty much sucks if you don't have a reason to do it.

This scared me because I just assumed it meant I wasn't a very good teacher. But, although I still have a lot to learn about my new career, I don't think that's really the case. It's just hard to keep kids focused or even interested in learning English here. We are so far away from any other exposure to the language that most can't imagine why they should bother to learn it. Kids in Bangkok, Pattaya, or Chang Mai hear, see, and use at least some English every day. But here, unless they happen to be talking to me, they don't.

Luckily, now that I have been here a while, people that are serious about learning have started to look for me. They young lady in the photo's name is Dok-Mai. She heard through friends that Roong and I go hang out at Bannok at least once a week or so, so she came and found us there. Give lessons in a bar? Hey, why not? Roong removed my beer and put a glass of water in front of me for a better appearance. All that did was make the lesson go quite a bit faster, so I could get my damn beer back. Haaa! Like anyone is going to believe that.

The local school that our daughter attends has called Roong several times in regards to hiring me for next year. I would like to teach there, because they have 10th - 12th grade there, and my current school does not. I would like the experience. But, as they are a government school, they are under funded, and their management is a bit shakey. That's ok though, as my boss has assured me that Penpattana will be renewing my contract for this coming year. Though probably without a raise from the cheap bastard. I keep praying that one day Roong will get tired of living here in the styx, and we can move to a real city.

I am supposed to start teaching an adult next weekend. She lives in Saraburi. That's about 30 minutes south of us. Her husband is in America, and she wants to take a crash course in conversation before she moves there. At first I wasn't sure what to teach her, but then I just kind of let my mind wander over what an average day was like in the USA. Coupling those things with what I can imagine she is going to go through when she immigrates there, gave me a pretty good idea of what she may need.

Roong is setting up a small course, maybe 6 weeks, at here district that I will teach over the spring vacation. 13 days until 2 months of freedom!!!!!! There won't really be much free time though, because I have to write 2 books to use in my classes for the next term. I have been working hard to refine my lesson plan, and try to put some things in there that the kids will be ok with. I think I have made good progress with that this term. I will know more once I have put it all together, and can look at the finished idea.

Roong and I are going to Bangkok today. We will meet Palmiez there, have lunch, and then go wander about. Palmiez is in the middle of exams now. I hope her grades come up a bit. Last time was a wee bit disappointing.I am hoping we have enough time to go to the used book store again. It's small, but it's the only place I can find affordable used books in English. I will say one thing though, lack of availability sure broadens your horizons. I will read just about anything, so i have found some new things that are interesting, that I wouldn't normally have looked at. Pukky has seemed to cheer up a bit lately. I am not sure if it's due to the fact that she is realizing her boyfriend is a loser, or if she's up to something. We will see. That's all for now. I will probably be posting more after the kids are finished with their exams, in about 2 weeks.

Featured Fester on RedBubble

2009-01-27T05:21:00.000-08:00

One of my t-shirt designs has gotten featured on the homepage of RedBubble (the black and white of uncle Fester). "Woohoo" and all that jazz! I get featured on several different group homepages like "Fabulous T's" and "Back in Black" pretty regularly, but this is the first time I have made it to the community's front page. Now if my sales would just recover from the X-mas slump, I would be ok.

Other than that, it's been kind of quiet around here lately. Next month, I will be teaching a sister of one of Roong's classmates English for a few weeks. It seems she is headed to America, and wants a crash course in conversation. Works for me. A few extra baht sure won't hurt around here. My free class at the Pattananikom school has been suspended until next term. The kids have to get ready for their finals next month and all.

We met Palmiez in Bangkok for a bit of school supply shopping and what-not last weekend. Always fun to hang out with her for the afternoon. She and her boyfriend "Ice" are doing ok. His family owns a beer distributorship here in Lopburi. Of course, I liked him right away.

Find your passion!

2008-12-31T17:47:00.001-08:00

This little guy knows what he likes! Nothing fires you up like a box of Crayolas and an endless supply of blank paper.

This is one of Roong's t-shirt designs, I think it's called "Lovely Caterpillar". Watching her learn how to create what she is imagining has been an amazing experience. She couldn't draw a stick figure a few months ago, and now she is having her work featured in many of the groups on Redbubble. She seems to be doing mostly t-shirts and greeting cards now. I am very proud of her and her accomplishments. Please giver her designs a look on Rainy's Bubble.

Sushi Time!

2008-12-20T02:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, just how bored are you? If it gets really bad, there is always "Sushi Time". You have to make sushi to order for the customers. Remember to pick up the empty plates and re-order ingredients when you are running low. Have fun!

From: Home

2008-12-15T00:01:00.001-08:00

Roong has been working hard at making greeting card and such seasonal things from many of her photos. My mom was cool enough to send some samples for her to get an idea about Christmas from. She also sent some shots of the snow. I am the only one in this household that has ever seen it. I guess it is a pretty strange concept if you have never seen it before. I have had to explain a few things about it to them, such as, building a snowman is in no way a religious ritual. Palmy and Pukky were a bit doubtful when I told them that American children LOVE to shovel snow. Haaa! I told them about some of the 8-10' deep blizzards that Jen and I weathered in Lake Tahoe. I don't think they could really grasp the magnitude of such a thing.

My nieces (eat your hearts out boys). From L to R, that's Melyssa, Catherine, and Lauren. At least I think, I haven't seen them in a few years. Catherine was refusing to talk last time I saw her, I hope she got over that. Mel was in the middle of her 37th boyfriend trauma of the week, and Lauren was doing a bit of acting. I have another niece named Kelly, and a nephew named Tyler. I will try and get Mom to send me some recent pics of them.

This is a shot from the deck on my Mom's house during the last snow. There is an eerie calm and quiet about being out in the woods like that. Very peaceful.....and creepy.

English Camp and Us

2008-12-09T05:56:00.001-08:00

Hi all. We just had our "English Camp" at Penpattana a few weeks ago. I just got some of the photos back from one of the teachers that was acting as the photographer for the event. This was grades 1-3. They are a lot of fun, because they are up for just about anything.

This is the shot of the teachers starting a game they play with a totally unpronounceable name. The teachers start out with a small line of children behind them, and as the music plays, each of these little trains does sort of a duck dance. As they move around, the lines will run into each other. When this happens, the teachers do a rock, paper, scissors. The loser has to join the back end of the winners kid train. This goes on until there is only one huge line with everyone in it dancing around.

This pic is of one of the combatants getting ready for Muay Thai. That's a trditional Thai martial art that is pretty cool to watch. The kids are pretty harmless, but Muay Thai is pretty exciting when you are watching the real thing.

This is the game I played with them. Luckily I had about 5 girls there to help me keep them focused. The object was to first write their nickname on a balloon in English. Then, they tied the balloon to their ankle. Once the whistle blew, the object was to pop everyone else's balloon, and the last one with a balloon was the winner. The only problem we ran into, is that many of the 1st graders were terrified of the sound that the balloons made when they popped. Not sure why. The other problem we had, is that many of them are so small, that they couldn't pop the balloon. Some solved this by sitting on it and bouncing up and down like on one of those bouncy balls with the loop you hang on to. When this didn't work, we would gently grab their shoulders and push down to give them a little extra umph. Most had a fun time with it.

I am not sure which game this was.

This is Jan and I bestowing the medals to the winners. The medallions were made of chocolate covered with tin foil. I think most were eaten before they got too far.

Another shot of one of the groups. They do a lot of sing-a-long stuff. Seems to keep their attention and keeps them happy.

That's teacher Aww standing next to me. I think we were waiting to give the closing speeches or something. Aww is a hoot. She is great to work with, but has an impossible job that no one in their right mind would want. Being the middleman between the teachers and our boss would make anyone crazy.

And finally, is a the latest shot of 3/4 of us. That's Palmiez on the left, and Roong on the right. Palm is doing quite well in school so far. Pukky was still sulking at home over one thing or another. Her loss, we look damn good!

New Grading System

2008-12-03T17:15:00.000-08:00

I am trying to come up with a new grading system at school. Something that will leave a lasting impression of how serious a matter good grades are on the kids. Archery just seemed a logical step.

The "IN" Crowd Cafe Project

2008-11-22T04:15:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the "IN" Crowd Project. Please let me explain what this is all about. There is not much of a retirement plan here in Thailand for a teacher. Because of this, I decided it would be nice to own a little cafe to spend those final sunset days waiting to take the dirt nap. The problem is that cafes don't come cheap. Having already come up with a t-shirt and sign design for the cafe, and deciding that Pattaya was a beautiful place to have it. Thailand is a great place to retire, due to all the nice things to see and do, and also because the cost of living is very affordable. So now, I figure it's time to try and sell enough of the tees to get the cafe.

Here are a few shots of Pattaya and the beach. Pattaya is about 2 hours south of Bangkok. During the day, it's a place to for boating, fishing, swimming, or just hanging out at the beach..

At night, it turns into a crazy fun place. There are plenty of restaurants, bars, dance clubs, and pretty girls to keep you busy. This is a shot of the infamous "Walking Street". Walking Street is only about 100 yards from the beach. It's a wild place at night, but in the daytime, its just a quiet spot by the beach, where you can take a beer break from strolling about, or have lunch and chat.

And last but definitely not least, are two of Pattaya's main attractions. :)

So, here's the deal...If you buy one of the "IN Crowd" t-shirts, your name, hometown, and e-mail addy (if you want) will go on the wall of the cafe, so all the world will see that you helped put the walls there in the first place. And, of course, I will happily buy you a beer, if you ever happen to wander into the cafe wearing your "IN Crowd" shirt. So please help support the IN Crowd Cafe Project by buying on of my "IN" Crowd Cafe T-Shirts.

And don't forget to get your very own "IN" Crowd beer stein for when you stop in.

I have calculated that I need to sell about 62,500 of these to buy a bar in Pattaya, so start saving your pennies, and please remember to tell 62,499 other people about The "IN" Crowd Cafe Project.

*Total "IN Crowd" Tee sales as of 11/20/08 = 18

School stuff

2008-11-18T10:00:00.001-08:00

I couldn't remember if I had put up a pic of the school after it had been added on to.

We are full up at about 2800 students.

This first shot is of the kids playing "chair ball". They have 2 teams of about 8 kids, on a field about half the size of a soccer field. The object is to pass the ball (you can't run with it) to your other team mates, and get it down the filed. Once there, you throw the ball, over the goalies head, and your team mate standing on the chair, tries to catch it in the basket. They have a load of fun with this.

Is my class thrilling, or what?

A few of the cheerleaders taking a break. They take their cheering seriously here. They will all have laryngitis tomorrow

This is the next team warming up in the bullpen.

Uncontrolled chaos!

Sunflower Time in Thailand

2008-11-09T15:22:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's sunflower time again here in Thailand. They are just starting to bloom now. Once the big farm crops are going, there are seas of these pretty flowers everywhere. We are hoping that it doesn't rain anymore for a while, as these plants don't like to much water. Last year's crop was pretty disappointing, because they got rained out. These are just a few shots that Roong and I took last Saturday, to make cards and posters with, that you can see on RedBubble.

More Pattaya Pics and Poo's Baby

2008-10-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

These are a few photos that I got from Noi and Tan from the Pattaya trip.....

Teacher Poo finally had her baby. I swear that she has been pregnant for 2 years. She had the baby while we were on vacation, so I don't know her name yet.

This is a shot of with Tan (l) and Noi (r) at the big Wat near Pattaya.

Group shot of a few of the teachers that went on the Pattaya trip.

Another group shot.

This is a shot from the cabaret show they went to on Monday night. Jan and I didn't go, because we didn't want to spend another 2 hours on that damn bus, so we went and raided the strip on "Walking Street". Tan and Noi wanted to come with us, but got the evil eye from Nang (Mrs. Boss), and chickened out. Maybe next time. They said the show was ok, but I think we had more fun.

Howdy!

2008-10-16T05:30:00.000-07:00

Roong opened the front door to go feed Bongo, and noticed we had a visitor. He was kind of hard to miss. Those tiles he's sitting on are 9" tiles, so you can get an idea of how large he is. Between the scorpions, the lizards, and the cobras, it''s like a damn zoo around here.

The night we raided Pattaya

2008-10-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

Our boss took about 90 of the teachers on a short vacation to Pattaya. And, I do mean short. Pattaya is a costal resort town that is about 4 hours away from here. It's probably the naughty capital of Thailand. There is all kinds of trouble to get up too. I didn't get many photos, because most of the activity happens at night, and the shots didn't come out so good. Sorry about that.

At about 5 am, we all hopped on 2 big tour buses and headed out. Jan and I were in a small compartment with about 10 other teachers. These idiots started pounding down that cheap ass Thai whiskey immediately. Then, the started singing karaoke. There was a small tv and a sound system in the compartment. Thai music is hard enough to handle, but listening to these fools screech was too much. Because we stopped at a few places on the way, the 4 hour trip down there took 12 hours! Their plan was to arrive at 5pm, go to a caberet show at 7pm, and then leave again at 9am the next day. You gotta be kidding me! As I said, Pattaya is fun central here. There was no way Jan and I were going to spend 24 of 48 hours on a damn bus listening to them again. So, Jan and I stayed an extra day. We had a blast! There was so much to see and do there. There are restaurants from evey country, the beach, great live music and plenty of bars with pretty girls that can't wait to spend your money. I loved it.

Pattaya is a lot cleaner and more interesting than Bangkok. It's not quite as expensive either. The new dream is too retire there. Upon Roong hearing that, she just glared at me. Haaaa. She has been there several times. I will have to work on her for a looooong time to get her to agree to this I think. Roong got a new Pentax camera, so, the next time I go, I will take that, and try and get some decent photos. Night shots are hard with my little Nikon, and I didn't want to take that to the beach for fear of getting it wet, or sand in it, or have it stolen. These shots are of one of the Wats that we stopped at, the great band at "The Rolling Stone" Bar on "Walking Street", and Lamai the bartender there.

And the winner is......ME!

2008-10-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Yowzaaa! I won a contest! The groups on RedBubble have contests all the time, called "Challenges". We join lots of groups, so you can get your submitted artwork seen by lots of people. These groups will suggest a subject or topic, and the members make artwork accordingly. After a few days, everyone votes on which art they think works the best. One of the groups I belong to is called Japanfluence. The topic this time was "working and playing in Japan. I submitted this origami instruction T-shirt design as my entry, and I won. It's called "Origami Samurai", because it shows you how to fold a little origami samurai helmet. The prize is not only being the featured artist for the group for a while, but I also won an original painting by the artist who sponsors the group. Her name is Thickblackoutline. Be sure and give her page a look.

I was very surprized, because there were many terrific works submitted. I thought it would be a cute idea to put origami instructions on a T-shirt. I got great reviews from many friends. They suggested that I do bunch of different ones, and try selling them as a stand alone niche idea, so I will do that. The one below shows you how to make a squid. Please check out my other works at My RedBubble Page.

Discipline? I'll show you discipline!

2008-09-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

Classroom management? You're looking at it bubba! Haaaa! Next week, I will work on them calling me "Your highness" instead of "Teacher Don".

Just kidding. This is my M-2/5 class. They are my most skilled students. As a reward for their hard work, I try and give them as much free time as possible. The girls are practicing for a ceremony, for a Buddhist celebration next month. Sometimes they sing, and sometimes they dance, and it's always traditionl stuff. It's very interesting to watch them go through the motions of what they are practicing. They take it very seriously, but they still have fun doing it.

Drawing Tablets and New Underwear

2008-09-01T06:41:00.001-07:00

Howdy all. it's been a wierd few weeks here. First, Roong had a small fender bender in the car( she wasn't hurt ). It took out a headlight and crinkled a fender. We figured we might as well get the rust taken out and have it painted, as long as it was going in, anyway. We got it back this afternoon. It looks ok I guess. The next, and worst thing was, I got nailed with a virus. It hit Roong's computer first, or maybe Pukky's, we aren't sure. Anyway, we got rid of it, but it popped up on mine about a week later. It ate all my Word and .pdf files. Everything is gone. All my lesson plans, the student books I wrote, everything. This was suckage of the highest caliber.

Ok, so what do you do after 2 years of work and research goes poof? Right! Cheeseburgers! Sunday, Roong and I went to Bangkok, for a little shopping, and anything on a dinner plate that didn't involve rice. Roong found a jacket and top that she liked, I ended up finding a few new movies, a drawing tablet, and new underwear. I wanted a Wacom tablet, but those are way too expensive. This one is an off brand, but the guy hooked it up to his computer, and it worked fine. It set up here on mine with no problems either.

My t-shirts are selling a bit better. I have gone from selling 1 a month to selling over 20. I hope that keeps going up. So, now, instead of a stupid little old ugly car, we have a stupid little old pretty car. Business is picking up a wee bit. And, I have yet another computer toy to piss me off. But, I wore my new underwear today, and that went well.

Just Stuff

2008-08-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

I found a few more pics on my cell phone. Funny, I don't remember taking the ones in the classroom. I gotta keep a better eye on my M-1/3 class.

The kids are a hoot. I asked one to come up to the board and write a few sentences that she had made. This of course led to her calling her two best friends up with her, which led to a discussion over which ones to use. Not to mention the constant checking with the rest of their friends to make sure they are doing it right. They are so afraid to do anything by themselves. Sometimes its funny, but sometimes, I know this hinders their individual creative progress.

It seems I have a new student. Much to my chagrine, I didn't notice for a full 15 minutes of class time. The bear belongs to one of the girls, but I never did figure out which one. He was smuggled out at break time. They really shouldn't be laughing though, because the teddy bear will probably do better on it's exams than most of them will. Haaaa!

This Jan, and his wife Poo at the market. We usually sit there a few times a week, and watch Thailand go by. There is always something weird happening there. the market is the focal point of our little community. If you want the latest gossip or news, or just need a cold beer, head to the market.

And last but not least, is Chai. This guy is a hoot. He is like the "go to" guy at the market. He works there every day, and for everybody. He is either stocking, fixing, or chasing off pidgeons with his slingshot. He can do anything from repairing electrical wiring, to sewing canvas for the food carts. That thing you see him drinking is rather interesting. I don't know what's in it, or what it is called, but it's packed full roots and herbs and stuff. You pour water into it, wait a few minutes, and then drink up. You can refill the water 5 or 6 times before it loses its kick. The first 2 or 3 taste the best, and are enough get you pretty smashed. Ya just sit back and pass the jug around and around and around.......

Palmy's B-day

2008-08-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

Palmy turned 20 yesterday. She has a few days off between terms at her University, so she is home for a few days. To celebrate the fact that we are one year closer to marrying her silly ass off to some poor boy....er, I mean, this joyous occassion, we went out to eat. Bannok was pretty quiet for the first hour we were there. We didn't even have to listen to any karaoke. YAYYY! As the girls spend most of their time nibbling at food, when given a chance to do some serious chowing down, they went at it with a vengence. We were stuffed. The owner, Eat, made this special sweet plate for Palmy with candles and all. She is such a sweety. Palmy and Puk dissappeared for about a half hour, and wandered around the ponds and flower gardens taking pictures. That place is amazing. Nan has got waterfalls and little jungle sections intertwined with the building itself. Since there are no walls, it's hard to tell where one ends, and the other begins. It really is beautiful. These are a few of the shots that the girls took on their cellphones. They managed to take about 75 pics of themselves. That's Palmy in the gray, and Pukky in red.

HTML Practice

2008-07-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

I am just practicing with html for my RedBubble site. They have a lot of really creative artwork on there. Not just T-shirts, but great wall art and writing too. I just used this here for my stuff to see which sites it will work on, and which it won't.

If your in the mood for a bit of wall art for your home or office, then please give these a look.

Thai Wine

2008-07-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

Someone gave me a bottle of Thai wine. I don't remember who or when though. It has been in the fridge for a few months. Palmy came home for the weekend, and asked about it, so I figured that was as good a reason as any to open it. The first problem we encountered was the lack of a corkscrew. We came up with some pretty ingenious ways to try and open the bottle without one, but nothing worked. We stopped just short of getting the Makita and a 3/4 inch wood bit out. I finally just took it to the sink, and lopped the neck of the bottle off. We lost a bit in spillage, but nothing serious.
The first thing we noticed is that Thai red wine isn't all that red. It's kind of a brownish color. The only red thing I have seen here is this rugged ass home made wiskey that the locals brew up at home. It actually tastes pretty good, but will tear you up after about 4 - 5 glasses. Anyway, Palmy and I had a glass. The next thing we noticed, was that it tastes exactly like prune juice. At first, I thought I was gonna hurl, and Palmy was making some pretty strange faces at the taste. But after a few minutes, you kind of get used to it. It wasn't actually that bad. For prune juice I mean. We made it through the bottle, and Palmy ended up rather giggley and sporting a very red face. There are actually more wineries here than I would have believed. I think we need to look in Bangkok, the next time we go. Maybe there will be a better selection.

Teacher's Day 2008

2008-06-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

We had Teacher's day last week. We all go over to the Wat, and the kids show their appreciation to their teachers by giving them flowers. That's nice and all, but if they really want to raise that grade a bit, buy me a damn beer and let me go home early. Or at least stay in your seat and be quiet for a change! Haaa! That's Roxanne sitting next to me, right in front of you. Jan went to the earlier ceremony with the younger students. There are 2700 kids, so they divided them up into 3 groups.

Anyway, the kids shuffle up on their knees and present the blessed flowers to all the teachers. This was a hoot, because that sweet looking young girl that is giving me the flowers is a disaster waiting to happen. She causes more trouble than any 10 kids I have. She is exceptionally smart, and pretty, and realizes that the boys her age are about as sharp as a box of rocks, and will do whatever she wants them to. We tried to look serious during the ceremony, but we both couldn't help but laugh later in class at the absurdity of her giving me the flowers that is basically a promise of their intent to be good students in the coming year.

Side note - my boss has decided that we have to have a meeting every Friday at 0720. This sucks for 2 reasons. First, I don't have class until 1020 on Fridays, so I would rather sleep late, and get some work done at home in the air conditioning, than do nothing but sweat my ass off in that hell hole of an office. And secondly, he says he wants to have these meetings so he can review our teaching record books. That's fine, but HE CAN'T READ ENGLISH! He is also going to ask us if there are any problems...does he mean like the same problems that we told him about all last year, and he did nothing about? I can hardly fucking wait. :P

Side note 2 - The guy in Lopburi finally got enough kids for 2 classes. I am supposed to start teaching this saturday for 2 two hour classes. One is four 1st and 2nd graders, the other is two 3rd and 4th graders. This should be an adventure. The 3rd and 4th graders I can handle, because I have had them before, but I had to talk with Roxanne a bit to get an idea of what to do with the younger ones. It looks like 2 hours of ABC's every Saturday.....*le sigh*

I got culture!!!

2008-06-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

I just got this in an e-mail from the instructor that taught our Thai culture class. They showed me how to dance, and explained that elephants were a good thing, and that Thailand grows a lot of rice. I don't remember them actually answering any of our more pointblank questions concerning things like what their Government is up too, and what REALLY did happen to King 8. Other than that, it was an excuse to goof off in Bangkok for a few days. Christ, I am still fat. You'd think that with living on rice and yard clipping, and perpetually perspiring, I'd lose a few kilos. Go figure.

*Note to mom.... King 4 was the king from "The King and I" story. I always thought it was King 5. Sorry about that.